Foreplay - why does he keep asking me what I want?

Hotstuff

I've been seeing a married guy for a few months. When we're together he keeps asking me what I want him to do during foreplay. I know he's experienced & is doing it all the way I like it - passionate kissing, touching, massage, oral etc (call me easy to please!) so I don't know what to say & feel awkward. Then he always asks if I enjoyed it as if he needs constant reassurance - I give enough signals that I more than enjoy it.

He doesn't want to rush into full blown intercourse just yet - which is frustrating for me as I'd have plenty to say on that matter!

Has anyone got any ideas as to how I can spice this up for him, he says he gets pleasure giving me pleasure so I know it's important to him + I don't want to dissappoint him. I think he may be looking for me to show him/ask him something different that'll be new to him (he's a young "older man") but I'm beginning to doubt my own experience - should I have experimented more in the past, but nothing new ever came up then either. Maybe I'm choosing the wrong men!

foolsgold · Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 8:20 pm Post subject:

jasper2411 · Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 10:38 pm Post subject:

i agree

joffa from down under · Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 11:41 pm Post subject:

Hey foolsgold, ease up a little mate ... hotstuff was looking for advice not judgement ... you don't have to agree with her but you don't have to denigrate her either.

MarriedMom · Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 3:10 pm Post subject: just a thought...

You say the man is experienced and knows what he's doing? Well, maybe not so much. Did he get married young? Do you know if his wife was the first woman he ever made orgasm, or has he ever made her at all ? Maybe she's the first woman he ever even had sex with. I'm guessing that his sex life may have been the reason he strayed with you in the first place if he is so concerned with making you happy in bed. Maybe he can't do for his wife what he is trying to do for you and that has made him insecure about his abilities. My suggestion to you would be this; next time he starts asking you 20 questions, turn the tables and do the same to him. Maybe he'll get the point if he sees how annoying it is.

As far as sleeping with a married man goes, how old are you? Is there a big age difference? That might be part of why he is so scared he isn't doing something right, who knows.

My first marriage I was the cheater in the relationship. While I'm ashamed of it now, at the time it felt right, because when you aren't getting what you need emotionally in a relationship, your mind plays tricks on you and makes you do things you normally wouldn't do. I was always one of those that vowed they would NEVER cheat... but S*** happens. The way I see it, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now if I hadn't cheated and realized I needed to leave my first husband. I got married wayyyy too young the first time (we were both 1 Cool

.

I would advise you to move on and find a guy who is more secure in relationships (and of course single). Sounds to me like this guy has issues far more greater than a game of 20 questions in the sack. IMO, an open, secure relationship between the two of you can't exist when it's taking the backseat in his broken marriage full of hurtful lies. Your man will never be fully secure with you while he knows he is being unfaithful to his wife. Just tell him your concerns about his insecurities and ask him point blank if his cheating is what's causing it. Who knows, maybe he'll do the exact opposite of most men and actually tell you how he is feeling. LOL

MM

mostirreverent · Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 7:50 am Post subject: answer him

have you actually answered his question. he may want to know specifically what he did that you liked, to know if there were something that you liked that he did not do. it is also very sexy to have a woman involved that way as well as just hear her speak those dirty little words.

pointy · Posted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 12:01 am Post subject:

Ah, just get vocal. Very vocal when he's doing something right.

PS. I'd rather have someone doing it right and wanting constant reassurance than someone doing it wrong and thinking they're a love god.

StraightMale · Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2005 2:12 am Post subject: Two things wrong

1) Don't bother pissing around with a married person. Fer gossake, don't you have any self-respect? Stop helping a cheat betray a spouse.

2) You're with a submissive man and it sounds like you don't know how to handle it. If you don't want to be dominant, find a different lover.