I've got some really depraved fantasies that I need to talk to other girls about, and I don't want the guys to butt in (pun intended).
It isn't strictly a les thing. I'm thinking girl on girl with a guy. But I haven't been comfortable talking about this with girlfriends in real life, let alone with the men I know.
Well first off I should say I haven't been sexually abused as a kid or something like that. I'm not nuts and I'm not seeing a psychiatrist. It sounds a bit defensive but maybe its better to say this in advance. Furthermore, I've got an MA, so I'm not dumb.
Well... okay... here goes.
I'm starting to get turned on by the most hardcore porn. Even worse, I'm turned on because it is so degrading!
When I was younger, I only liked the woman-friendly stuff. You know, the kind with nice background music, maybe a spa setting, and a charming guy rubbing oil and massaging and lots of foreplay.
But for some reason, after getting this kind of treatment from several men of the artsy-poetic kind (you meet tons of them while getting your MA), I found myself wanting.
Maybe you always want what you don't have. But I started looking at the kind of really filthy, nasty porn that I'd have really hated years ago, and to my surprise I found this nasty streak inside me. I want to do it with a really dominant, aggressive guy. I don't want him to hit or hurt me, but I want him to be dominant.
I want to be part of a 'harem' with another one or two girls, and he'd do what he likes to us. Like in these nasty porn flicks. He'll ram one girl in the butt, then take his dick out and shove it down my throat until I'm gagging, then stick it in my rear and make the other girl suck it later. He'll make us finger our butts and lick our fingers. Or he'll cum in my butt and make the other girl lick it out, then we'll french kiss and swap the cum.
Somehow, the thought of being so disgusting and depraved seems exciting to me. I'm tired of being caressed lovingly and called a 'goddess' or a 'muse'. I've actually posed for an artist, and it wasn't a turn on to stand nude and be a dumb statue for the better part of an hour. (It hurt my back actually) I want to be a slut, and I want to be as slutty as I can be.
Bukkake, gangbangs, circle sucks... I've even fantasized about some of those porn scenes where a whole bunch of men dump cum inside one girl's ass and the other girl eats the whole load from her ass. But these scenes seem to work only in my imagination, because when actually filmed, they seem too mechanical. I want it really nasty and filthy and hardcore, but I still need the right mood. The guy has to make me feel dominated. That's terribly important.
I can fantasize about going all-out to be a submissive slut for a group of alpha males, but of course none of the porn films can truly create this kind of mood. And I'm sure no real-life sex club can offer this atmosphere either. My guess is that what I want deep down inside is Total Submission to Absolute Power, so my male partner must be able to make the right moves and talk the right way. And if he has a bunch of equally Super guys with him, I'll be happy to be gangbanged and treated like a cum dumpster.
Do you think it is bad to have such depraved fantasies? How far can I go to satisfy my fantasies? And how can I satisfy my fantasies safely? (I have no intention of letting a bunch of hoodlums abuse me.)
Like EmilyB, I agree that there is nothing wrong with having fantasies - we all do and my experience is that they are far more colorful than what you might expect. Which is why I have a high level of tolerance regarding other peoples preferences, likes and fantasies.
That does not mean that they are my fantasies or that I "agree" with them, but there should be a large tolerance to what people are turned on by.
That said, there is also a big difference between a fantasy and actually living it out. A fantasy can be a wonderful turn-on, while living it out may turn out to be quite the opposite. It all depends on who we are and what we like.
This is something only yourself can find out.
Enjoy your fantasies freely and happily, whatever they are, and think once more before trying them out in real life, would be my humble advice.
How you should live your fantasies out safely, is a tricky question since you are obviously turned on by some degree of roughness and slutiness, which by many would maybe be considered the opposite of safe.
Not sharing your fantasies, I have no experience with similar situations and therefore do not have any good advice as such. However, it should not be impossible - maybe you should start by checking if there are any BDSM-clubs in your area.
Joined: 29 Dec 2007 Posts: 16963 Location: The Zooniverse
Posted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:34 pm Post subject:
All the advice I have to give is if your going to try it, that has to be with someone you trust. Also, safe words are good, something random your never going to say in the bedroom. I use Kangaroo! lol
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