Help Me Please

[dave27]

I been seen a mate today who said, I always dress casual which is fine, but I have no style.

Its kind of upset me but I also agree, he said, I always dress to be comfortable but not dress to make my self feel good etc.

I’m finding this very difficult to deal with as I don’t have much of a dress sense.

I do however wish to sort this out and be more noticed, be more individual instead of blending in with the rest of people (Jeans, T-Shirt, and Haircut)

I do have a few body piercings and a couple of tattoos.

Can anyone give me some advice please?

[Guest]

What do you wear right now? (you mentioned jeans and t-shirts, but not sure if you say you wear them, or meant that everyone else does so)

What kind of shape are you in, and where are you tattoos (and what are they of)?

[dave27]

Hi

Yes, i always wear Jeans, and a t-shirt. tattoo is on top right arm, not Visible when t-shirt on.

Piercings are always Visible.

my mate said, i have no style in the way i dress, i look no diffreant then a bloke next door.

there is nothing that makes me stand out.

He also said, my Body language is lacking confidence.

i would like to fix this, but not sure how

[Usquanigo]

(forgot the name last time, doh! )

Nothing wrong with jeans and t-shirts. They can be rocked, and rocked well.

You have to understand that you are talking about a MASSIVE project that can't be accomplished in a couple days, or through a few words on the internet. BUT... you can still get guidance and advice, so you've taken the first step, just understand that it's the first step in the journy of a hundred miles.

Confidence is always key. Confidence can make you stand out even when dressed the same as everyone else. But it's not easy to get. And if you feel you want to be waering something different than you are, it can be nearly impossible to have. (on the positive side, confidence can stem and flow from feeling and knowing you look good - aka, liking your clothes, so we should worry about confidence later, clothes now.)

What kind of jeans do you wear, what kind of t-shirts, what kind of shoes, and what kind of hair style? What is your tattoo of?

What are your interests? (music, hobbies, etc)

[dave27]

thanks for your reply.

well, i just wear normal bootcut jeans, with addass trainers (White) with non-branded t-shirts which i like the designs off.
Hair cut, i just have grade 4 all over


Music: anything really but i do like stuff like The Cranberries

hobbies: dont really have a hobbie as such, used to like fishing etc. but now just like to have fun days out, Go-Karting, Swimming, Pubs, etc

[Usquanigo]

The goal of the questions was to try to narrow down what might be your sense of "style", and what is appealing to you, to move it in that direction.

I went through a similar process. I've always like Metal, been interested in goth (though don't consider myself to actually be one), and many things "evil", so the color black was an obvious choice. And the shirt designs always had to be reflective of things I liked - skulls, dragons, anime, metal, etc.. And at the time I actually wanted to blend in, but truth be told, with my size and stature, I did anything but blend in.

I also like flash (chrome, polished steel and aluminum, a flair for the flamboyant [to some extent], etc), and high tech. So I tend to like fabrics with a bit of a sheen to them.

So that's what I was trying to ascertain for you.

When you buy something, make sure it's "you". Things will sort of take care of themselves after that, but that's the trick, learning what IS "you".

Go-Karting and Swimming both tend to have gear and apparel of their own. Does anything there appeal to you?

If not, then if you don't want to push it too much, work on WHICH t-shirts, and what colors you put together. Maybe try a different wash jeans and spice up the shirts a bit.

Again, racing/go-karting and swimming t-shirts abound, so that is an option. Ditto band shirts.

This is not an answer to your style dilemma, but a process, a means of helping you find it, little by little as you go.

You could always find a cool "over shirt" (button front, collared short sleeve shirt) that appeals to you and wear it over your t-shirt.

For shoes, I'd ditch the plain white sneakers. Go for something a bit more upscale or even better yet, sinister. Cool boots, or even just black Nike high tops (but no "moonboots" like the crazy crap they seem to have out lately).

Plain white sneakers show, more than anything else that you aren't trying, or don't care. Combat boots, biker boots, tanker boots, Doc Martins, whatever - all will change everything.

For hair, talk to a hair dresser. I'm guessing that "style" came out of a desire for no maintenance? Look at other guys, talk to girls you know (of course that applies to EVERYTHING), and talk to a hair dresser and look through the books they have. They can guide you through some options there.


That's really a lot to start with. It's premature to get into chrome (accessories) and such.

Here's something to consider - the goal is not to simply stand out. That's easy. Wear a denim mini-skirt and stilleto heels and I promise, you'll stand out. The goal is to find YOUR style. Doesn't matter if it's like everyone else or not. It has to be something YOU feel comfortable with, and feel you actually look good in. Don't buy or do anything (like hair) simply for expedience. Fashion requires effort, that's just the way it is, shying away from the effort will only hurt you.

Once you find what suits you, even if you blend in, you will have more confidence, and people will percieve you as having more style. So ignore "standing out", and just look for what appeals to you, and makes you think you look good.

[dave27]

Thank you so much

you hit a nail on the head here,

i just don't feel happy inside, but i really want to be happy, but i'm finding it hard to be noticed.

its a tough world out there.

i've taken some time out of work, to try and sort out my direction of life as at the moment, i dont like it.

I wish people would respect me, i wish i had some closer freinds

ill do what ever it takes. just want to be happy,

i will research more into what you have said and see if i can find a syle that will reflect what i am, and what im about.

will be hard but also interesting.

[dave27]

ive been told, black or white t-shirts look good on me, especially Black for some reason.

I do swimming as i like water, i do go-karting as its fun,

its really hard to say what i mean, but someone told me, for example

if i was a biker, i would dress like a biker and have a biker lifestyle.

is this good advice or not?

[Bushwalker]

Respect is something that has to be earn't - it's not simply some natural right.
Though : at the same time it's always important to treat other people, their efforts and endeavours, and their property, with the respect that is due to them - showing such respect to others will help a person to be more of a proper gentleman or lady..

Close friends are something that you need to find, develop and nurture - they don't simply fall out of the sky..

Style is something you will need to discover and refine for yourself - using some of those handy guidelines and pointers that others are loading you up with on here...

And also note that style won't necessarily bring 'class' with it - the Beckhams might have style, but they certainly don't have class !!!


As for how you present yourself - stand up straight, don't slump or sag...
Take note of all your grooming and presentation - not just clothes and hair, but health, fitness, skin and nails, smell, how you behave towards others - it all adds to both your style, and any class you might eventually develop as a result {if you're fortunate enough..} - this should help you to gain and display some self confidence.

[Usquanigo]

Dave, Bushwalker was bit blunt, but on the mark.

These things take time and come from within. People will give respect to those who have earned it, and close friends will shake out over time, but only if you are friendly and get to know people and are capable of being a good friend yourself.

Regarding the biker example - things like that tend to happen on their own. When I was a skater and dressed like one, it was only because I'd walk into the skate shop, see the clothes, and think "that's cool, I want that", and in short order I looked like a 'skater'. I never set out to do it intentionally, and I think that's the case for everyone who looks like something they are into (bikers, metalheads, goths, etc). Actually trying to look a certain way is being a poseur, and you don't want that.

If black looks good on you, it's something to keep in mind. BUT, the question is, do YOU like it?

It sounds like you have a lot more to sort out than just clothes, like Bush was suggesting. I was in a similar place to you once. I dressed how I did because I felt that everything else looked worse on me, even though what I DID wear, didn't look good, it wasn't as bad as other things. With that perspective, you will never get anywhere.

You first need to figure out what makes you happy. That's no small task. Start with your interests, and jut let go, enjoy them to the fullest. You should already know what your principles are, embrace them and don't be afraid of them. Talk to people, meet people, try to have fun at everything you do. Along with that, treat people how you want to be treated, and how they deserve to be treated. Don't give free passes to assholes, but also don't snap at people who don't deserve it either.

Don't give other people power over you. Don't let people ruin your good mood, or make you feel bad about yourself or ashamed. Nobody can make you feel bad or shameful unless YOU let them, unless YOU give them the power.

And when it comes to friends, be upstanding, trustworthy and responsible (this applies to all of life, really). Those who are worth your time will make themselves known. Those who aren't need to be kept out or cut loose. (don't be callous about it, just know that not everyone is worth your time) Even if it means being alone for a long time, it's just the way it has to be. If you hang out with people just to have company and hold on to them when you shoudln't, you will be holding yourself back, and never allowing yourself to grow and be happy.

Once I really understood a lot of that, I started gaining confidence. And at that point, I was able to actually look at things and think "hey, I like that, I want that". You have to clear the fog before you can see.

I now do things I never would have DREAMED about a few years ago - I chaotically spike my hair, wear colors other than black, wear sandals - and shorts - and any chance I get too, wear a toe ring and an ankle bracelet (and look damn good doing it), I got into some layering (which I never saw the point of before), and even wear gstrings and see-through clothing for my girlfriend (on occasion).

But all of that came AFTER I cleared out the fog and made some internal changes first.