Relationship troubles at the worst possible time.

[ladyparadise]

In about November last year, I finished a 2 and a half year relationship that otherwise was perfect just because I met someone else. I was convinced I could have an even better relationship with this man, and at first I did. This new man is 37 (I'm 21) and divorced with 3 kids. He also works away half the week, but none of that ever bothered me.

Then stupid things began to happen. One night I got very drunk and received some explicit messages from a male friend. I didn't encourage them, but I didn't stop them either. My new boyfriend found them and broke up with me, but took me back the next day.

Things were again good for a little while and I moved in very quickly, but then the arguments started. They were constant and I rarely argued back. He was very good at mind games and emotional blackmail and could easily convince me that I was in the wrong. I moved out and we tried to slow it down, but I was so addicted to him things quickly returned to the same. The arguments were stupid, always about small things that he got wound up about and blamed me.

I think it was just his personality. He is very successful at what he does and has a lot of people basically saying 'yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir' and I think he expected me to do the same. He is also not good at taking criticism. I am not good with confrontation or standing up for myself. I am, however, being fair to myself when I say that I never, not once, started an argument. There were also more issues- he had very little trust in me and checked my messages and phone calls, and refused to get his vasectomy reversed so that I might be able to have a baby in the future. But when we weren't arguing, things were wonderful.

However, the sex was phenomenal. I've never really enjoyed my sex life before but I became a 'three times a day' kind of girl. I was utterly addicted to it, and to him- at least when he was being nice.

However, every time we had an argument I was devastated. My old boyfriend and I never argued- literally never. Every time we had one I would cry for hours- and part of it was always for my old boyfriend. There was nothing wrong with that relationship, so when I ended it we still loved each other.

Things were going well last week until he blew up at me about something utterly stupid. I stormed out and went home. That night I went with my old boyfriend to take the dog for a walk, and the next day we went again. He told me he still loved me and wanted me back. I confessed about my new boyfriend to him and he said it didn't matter to him. We ended up getting back together and I finished with the other one.

Now he is texting me telling me that he wants me back and that he loves me so much. I know all the theory about why I shouldn't but I still love him too. I'm still utterly addicted. My boyfriend is such a lovely guy and neither of us have changed, but I'm already doubting it can work while I'm still yearning for the other guy. Also I'm really worried about sex- I didn't enjoy it with him, not for any particular reason, it just wasn't good. His sex drive is far higher than mine and I know that if I told him I didn't enjoy it he would be devastated.

I want it to work so much but I'm not sure it can. And I know it can never work with the other guy but I want that to work even more. Every message he sends telling me wants me back hurts so much, and every message I have to send saying no hurts me even more. He's finally texted me to say he gives up and that was the worst thing I've ever read. I want so much to get over him but at the same time I don't want to. He doesn't know I'm back with my ex and if I told him it would hurt him, so I'm not going to. He also told me that he was planning to propose to me that night, but if so, why start an argument?

I'm so upset and stressed about this situation, and it's made even worse by the fact I have my final university exam tomorrow and really don't need to be worrying about this. Now I've spoken to my mum and although she normally dislikes this guy she feels like I shouldn't have told him there's no chance of us getting back together. I just had to get this off my chest, any help anyone could give would be so gratefully received.

[ILWL]

Reading through that post made me think back to South Park; Where Satan has the dilemmia of whether to pick Chris OR Saddam. Think this will provide an answer!

[Captain]

Satan is so whipped by saddam

[FFFCaroline]

Don't ever marry a man that you don't love having sex with....Having been with the other man, your mind will never let you go....He will be with you in each exchange...You can't force what you do not feel....

Being as sexual as we are in our relationship, I can think of nothing worse than giving my body to another who I do not sexually love and crave. It must be there for you or you have no life...You have already lived and found this with the one you desire....Give yourself time to recover and find another...You know in your heart that it will not work so let it go.....But don't rebound too fast...Smell the roses of life my dear and love will find you...I wish you well...Take care, Caroline

[splinkygb]

Lady: You are only young so move on and find a guy more suitable!

Also, don't mess up your education!