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jazzie
Hello. I am New! Talk to Me
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 12
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 Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 8:54 pm Post subject: We broke up... what now? |
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In short. I have split with my husband of 2 years and I am miserable. We both said some awful things and hurt eachother alot.
I think about him every day and it is so painful. No matter what I do I cant shake the low and sad feelings. There is no doubt that I love him very much, but my family wouldnt speak to me again if we got back together as they have seen the tears and upset the break up caused.
We have broken up before and got back together, but this time it is way more serious and I cant forget some of the hurtful things that have been said.
I am so confused and need a way forward.... please help   |
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coolman
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 6067
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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| time can heal all wounds. Has he hit you? If so, be gone and stay gone. Otherwise, don't stay away so your family is happy. Do what makes you happy! We all say dumb things in the heat of anger and wish we could take them back. We can't take them back, but we can be forgiven and be forgiving! What do you want to happen? |
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MaxtheGaul
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 29 Jan 2005
Posts: 3475
Location: London
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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If you have no children, then take a little time, break up is always painful even when it's the right thing to do.
If it were me I wouldn't go back unless I had dated a couple of people first. Why? To get some balance back in my view of life. |
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jazzie
Hello. I am New! Talk to Me
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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| coolman wrote: |
| time can heal all wounds. Has he hit you? If so, be gone and stay gone. Otherwise, don't stay away so your family is happy. Do what makes you happy! We all say dumb things in the heat of anger and wish we could take them back. We can't take them back, but we can be forgiven and be forgiving! What do you want to happen? |
Hit me - no way! never! The hard thing is that I am a hoarder - I have kept all the texts and emails and just re-read them which only makes everything worse. It has been over a month now and the feelings are as painful as ever. |
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coolman
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 6067
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:08 pm Post subject: |
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| but max, you don't know why they broke up. So far our whole information is that they had words . . . every couple has words and that is no reason to end a marriage! |
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coolman
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 6067
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:10 pm Post subject: |
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| jazzie wrote: |
| coolman wrote: |
| time can heal all wounds. Has he hit you? If so, be gone and stay gone. Otherwise, don't stay away so your family is happy. Do what makes you happy! We all say dumb things in the heat of anger and wish we could take them back. We can't take them back, but we can be forgiven and be forgiving! What do you want to happen? |
Hit me - no way! never! The hard thing is that I am a hoarder - I have kept all the texts and emails and just re-read them which only makes everything worse. It has been over a month now and the feelings are as painful as ever. |
I just read this after my last post. I also have a tendency to read mails from the past. That won't help you. My question remains unanswered, what do you want to happen? |
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jazzie
Hello. I am New! Talk to Me
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:12 pm Post subject: |
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| MaxtheGaul wrote: |
If you have no children, then take a little time, break up is always painful even when it's the right thing to do.
If it were me I wouldn't go back unless I had dated a couple of people first. Why? To get some balance back in my view of life. |
Max, we do have kids but not with eachother, but they are all affected by the split as they were close.
Dating....  why? I can't see how that would bring prospective to my life. |
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jazzie
Hello. I am New! Talk to Me
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:14 pm Post subject: |
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Coolman......
I dont know what I want to happen. When a marriage splits so badly, you can't just go back to how it was before. But how do you change in yourself (and themselves) to make sure you get it right? All I know is the love doesn't go away. |
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MaxtheGaul
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 29 Jan 2005
Posts: 3475
Location: London
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:17 pm Post subject: |
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@coolman - they've already split up once before, the signs are not that good.
@jazzie - if you leave him you'll be back on the dating scene again. Get a taste of it first to see if you like it. You don't have to divorce him to do that. |
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Verve
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 06 Jun 2005
Posts: 5411
Location: USA
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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| jazzie wrote: |
Dating.... why? I can't see how that would bring prospective to my life. |
Oh it can honey.... even if it's just for a few hours.
Also in your next relationship don't tell everyone everything that happens in your relationship……. Bad Practice. Unless you think you might go missing/killed one day. |
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coolman
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 6067
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:21 pm Post subject: |
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| jazzie wrote: |
Coolman......
I dont know what I want to happen. When a marriage splits so badly, you can't just go back to how it was before. But how do you change in yourself (and themselves) to make sure you get it right? All I know is the love doesn't go away. |
Jesus max, why does the answer have to be going back to dating.
Jazzie, the love hasn't passed. You married him once for a reason. Is that reason still there? Everyone fights and that is completely normal. What was the main (I know there are usually many) reason for the fights? Is it something one of you could -- and would -- change? |
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jazzie
Hello. I am New! Talk to Me
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Verve wrote: |
| jazzie wrote: |
Dating.... why? I can't see how that would bring prospective to my life. |
Oh it can honey.... even if it's just for a few hours.
Also in your next relationship don't tell everyone everything that happens in your relationship……. Bad Practice. Unless you think you might go missing/killed one day. |
I didnt tell everyone, my family were there to pick up the pieces (so to speak) so of course they dont want to see that again. I am quite a private person really, but I have used this forum a long time ago and speaking to people who dont know you helps to get a better view.
I appreciate the comments |
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jazzie
Hello. I am New! Talk to Me
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:28 pm Post subject: |
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| coolman wrote: |
| jazzie wrote: |
Coolman......
I dont know what I want to happen. When a marriage splits so badly, you can't just go back to how it was before. But how do you change in yourself (and themselves) to make sure you get it right? All I know is the love doesn't go away. |
Jesus max, why does the answer have to be going back to dating.
Jazzie, the love hasn't passed. You married him once for a reason. Is that reason still there? Everyone fights and that is completely normal. What was the main (I know there are usually many) reason for the fights? Is it something one of you could -- and would -- change? |
Yes, I married him for love and that hasn't gone away. The arguments were all stupid as usual, but this one just went too far. I am not saying either of us was completely to blame, but this fight was a big one and too much was said in anger to just forget and carry on.
It is very complicated as there was more than just marriage to damage.... Kids, work, families etc...
Change? too little too late maybe. |
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coolman
FemaleFirst Guru
Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 6067
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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you obviously still love him. Does he still love you? Have you communicated as adults (meaning without childlike attacks) since the fight?
Perhaps you both feel bad about what was said and can still salvage the love that you had/have! |
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jazzie
Hello. I am New! Talk to Me
Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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Not really communicated, except in texts or email and they weren't particularly nice either way. I know we both feel bad about what was said as he has said this to me in a text, but how can you go forward with all that was siad? some things just can't be forgotten.
The love was never in doubt and his last text to me a week ago said he loved me, but I didnt respond as when I do the texts just seem to go bad again and it really hurts.
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