Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:56 am Post subject: What am I doing wrong?
I was hoping to get a bit of advice from the female perspective.
Long story short, I am in my very early 20s and I make a good deal of money. I drive a $60,000 USD car that I paid every penny of by myself. I go to university part time and work full time. My family is very well off in general. I've recently began looking for a partner at my university. Since a good 80% of the females in my age group are filthy gold diggers I usually keep a very low profile, as I do not enjoy attention. I get to know someone, we start talking more and more then I ask the woman out and we go on a date. For the first two dates I pretend I am the average broke university student and I pick up the girl in my family's old beater car (which is considered relatively normal for a student around here). I have done this to two women so far. First two dates go great and we seem to like one another. Third date I come to pick her up in my real car and VERY briefly explain who I really am and such. Just the very basics. I am very, very careful not to be snobby about it, so I do not think that would be it. What happened is:
Girl #1 - she became pretty mad about me "deceiving" her as she called it. She mentioned something about trust and was basically pissed at me. I am not sure why. Hopefully someone can chime in. I think she was just a little weird. I wasn't going to take that as I do not believe I have done anything to offend her so that relationship ended.
Girl #2 - she just became very quiet all of a sudden and the relationship died out... I was very upset about that as I actually liked that one very much. She did not block me out, she answered all phone calls and such, agreed to dates, she just stopped initiating things on her own. She was very outgoing and open before and I liked her because of it.
What am I doing wrong? What can I do better? I tried dating someone of my own socio-economic status, but those types of women have their own issues that I do not wish to deal with at this time. Everything goes very well when they think I am an average student, but as soon as they find out that I am not, everything goes down the drain.
Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 6:09 am Post subject: Re: What am I doing wrong?
Dinos wrote:
I was hoping to get a bit of advice from the female perspective.
Long story short, I am in my very early 20s and I make a good deal of money. I drive a $60,000 USD car that I paid every penny of by myself. I go to university part time and work full time. My family is very well off in general. I've recently began looking for a partner at my university. Since a good 80% of the females in my age group are filthy gold diggers I usually keep a very low profile, as I do not enjoy attention. I get to know someone, we start talking more and more then I ask the woman out and we go on a date. For the first two dates I pretend I am the average broke university student and I pick up the girl in my family's old beater car (which is considered relatively normal for a student around here). I have done this to two women so far. First two dates go great and we seem to like one another. Third date I come to pick her up in my real car and VERY briefly explain who I really am and such. Just the very basics. I am very, very careful not to be snobby about it, so I do not think that would be it. What happened is:
Girl #1 - she became pretty mad about me "deceiving" her as she called it. She mentioned something about trust and was basically pissed at me. I am not sure why. Hopefully someone can chime in. I think she was just a little weird. I wasn't going to take that as I do not believe I have done anything to offend her so that relationship ended.
Girl #2 - she just became very quiet all of a sudden and the relationship died out... I was very upset about that as I actually liked that one very much. She did not block me out, she answered all phone calls and such, agreed to dates, she just stopped initiating things on her own. She was very outgoing and open before and I liked her because of it.
What am I doing wrong? What can I do better? I tried dating someone of my own socio-economic status, but those types of women have their own issues that I do not wish to deal with at this time. Everything goes very well when they think I am an average student, but as soon as they find out that I am not, everything goes down the drain.
Thanks for reading.
Maybe it’s better if you hear it from a guy, which you don’t want, first. WTF is “your own socio-economic status?” Are you bragging about being rich?
Here’s the take: it isn’t any business of these women how much money you have. And they don’t care either. But what you have done is deceive and then gleefully flash that S*** in their face. They don’t give a crap about your wealth, but they do care that you have thought so little of them that you have wanted to deceive them.
What was the message you were trying to send? That you want to “lower” yourself to their level? That you don’t trust them, so you deceive them so they won’t get their “claws” into you? Any way you put it, you have been insulting the women you are dating. And you ask, what’s wrong? You may be in university, buddy…but you ain’t very bright.
Show up in a Chevrolet, and be that person. Or, show up in a Porsche, and be that person. But don’t insult someone by telling that person that you want to deceive them.
Dinos, it's like your taking part in some kind of strange reverse version of the reality TV show... "Joe Millionaire".
Honesty and trust are considered by many, to be two of the most important things in a relationship. Yet you start off with what is a bare-faced lie. How does the woman then know that this not your true personality? i.e. that you lie at the drop of a hat?
If the woman then perceives you to be a liar from the outset, then how do you think that bodes for trust and honesty later on in the relationship?
Given that deal most women would say... "Thanks, but no thanks."
Dinos, stop playing games and just be yourself. Nothing more, nothing less.
ok, if you guys are so smart then how do I filter out the women that would go out with me just because of material things? Because 95+% of the women would. I speak from experience. I have never been turned down being the "Porsche guy" and that does not mean that all women like me, that's not realistic. This number is not that high at all if they are unaware. I really do not think I owe them much for the first week or two so I elude questions about myself for a bit to see if it gets going. If it does and I can confirm that they are truly interested in me then I tell them the truth.
"WTF is “your own socio-economic status?” Are you bragging about being rich? "
Families that make a similar amount of money my family does, hence not having this problem in the first place. Forums are a terrible place to brag about anything.
ok, if you guys are so smart then how do I filter out the women that would go out with me just because of material things? Because 95+% of the women would. I speak from experience. I have never been turned down being the "Porsche guy" and that does not mean that all women like me, that's not realistic. This number is not that high at all if they are unaware. I really do not think I owe them much for the first week or two so I elude questions about myself for a bit to see if it gets going. If it does and I can confirm that they are truly interested in me then I tell them the truth.
"WTF is “your own socio-economic status?” Are you bragging about being rich? "
Families that make a similar amount of money my family does, hence not having this problem in the first place. Forums are a terrible place to brag about anything.
Well I suppose it depends on...
a) How do you wear your wealth? e.g. Don King and Richard Branson are both wealthy men but one of them is slightly more ostentatious than the other if you know what I mean.
b) What type of women do you choose? I mean I generally have no problem distinguishing those who are money oriented and those that are not. Usually because I talk to them and get to know them a little over a period of time and use my judgement before jumping straight into the dating game.
c) Where do you normally meet the women you go out with? The places you go looking for love will ultimately determine the type of woman you'll end up with.
But with all of that, you really have to use your own judgement. Remember whoever you end up with there are no guarantees. Just look at Paul McCartney and Heather Mills!
One thing I will say though is that there are two types of people in this world... Givers and Takers. If you can find a woman who is a Giver then you'll be at least half way to happiness no matter how rich you are.
Honestly this thread is reminding me too much of Eddie Murphy in the movie... "Coming to America".
You need to find a woman of equal status. Why are you even concerned about marriage when your not looking to marry. Just enjoy your 20's without looking over your shoulder for gold diggers. Enjoy all you can get for 60K. That was your purpose... wasn't it!
Honestly this thread is reminding me too much of Eddie Murphy in the movie... "Coming to America".
S’funny, TOG. I thought the same thing. Dinos, I don’t want to intellectualize the movie, but one of the things that the E. Murphy character was running from was, not the girl, but his own parents presumptions. Like him, you’ve transfixed your dilemma onto the women you date, when you don’t even have a problem over there. What do you do? You break out of the mold and become a good judge of character. God gave you two ears and only one mouth…listen twice as much as you talk.
And…you might be surprised. There are many on this site who have as much wealth as your family, but you don’t know about it, do you? Two ears, one mouth.
Dinos, You want to date real people, then be a real person yourself. Others hae already posted most of the things I would say but a few more thoughts for you:
1. You'd be crazy to be looking for a life partner right now, so enjoy, and if the girl turns into a gold digger, who cares, if you don't like it dump her. But she might be a lot of fun for a while. One of the bet shags I ever had was definitely a gold digger (I guess she was good at her job )
2. If your car is getting in the way of you social life, get rid. You can have $1m in the bank and keep quiet about it without lying, but you can't hide your car.
3. The people you date are measuring you too. If you don't want a gold digger, sure as hell they don't want someone who is going to play games with them and treats them like paintings at auction that have to be checked for authenticity.
4. Treat everyone you date as someone really special (otherwise why did you date them), get to know them and let them get to know you, if you get danger/warning signals then back off courteously (this is what your date #2 is doing) if your suspicions are confirmed then move on. You'll find some fabulous people.
Finally, get real, you're not that wealthy! I have a young friend, your age, who's just spent $500,000 on a car and is having a property refurbished for $10m. That's wealthy!
a) How do you wear your wealth? e.g. Don King and Richard Branson are both wealthy men but one of them is slightly more ostentatious than the other if you know what I mean.
b) What type of women do you choose? I mean I generally have no problem distinguishing those who are money oriented and those that are not. Usually because I talk to them and get to know them a little over a period of time and use my judgement before jumping straight into the dating game.
c) Where do you normally meet the women you go out with? The places you go looking for love will ultimately determine the type of woman you'll end up with.
a) I usually wear old, ripped jeans and a tshirt when I am anywhere outside of work. I look quite normal for a student, even a little below average.
b) I am not sure what I am looking for, so I try to make as many connections as I can and see what comes of them. Unfortunately it does not seem I have the experience you do, so it is difficult for me to determine much about the woman for certain until later (when it is a little too late).
c) University.
I suppose there is no other way to learn more about relationships than the hard way and trial and error. Thanks for all the posts, I truly appreciate it!
a) How do you wear your wealth? e.g. Don King and Richard Branson are both wealthy men but one of them is slightly more ostentatious than the other if you know what I mean.
b) What type of women do you choose? I mean I generally have no problem distinguishing those who are money oriented and those that are not. Usually because I talk to them and get to know them a little over a period of time and use my judgement before jumping straight into the dating game.
c) Where do you normally meet the women you go out with? The places you go looking for love will ultimately determine the type of woman you'll end up with.
a) I usually wear old, ripped jeans and a tshirt when I am anywhere outside of work. I look quite normal for a student, even a little below average.
b) I am not sure what I am looking for, so I try to make as many connections as I can and see what comes of them. Unfortunately it does not seem I have the experience you do, so it is difficult for me to determine much about the woman for certain until later (when it is a little too late).
c) University.
I suppose there is no other way to learn more about relationships than the hard way and trial and error. Thanks for all the posts, I truly appreciate it!
Not quite done, Dinos. Your concern for the clothes you wear and the symbols you project still portend a concern for status. Dressing down is as pretentious as dressing up. Do you have any clothes that you just feel “comfortable” in…a vehicle that you just feel “natural” in? Cause the issue is just being you. You gotta get in touch with that and let the women find you…as you are.
You’ve obviously got some good qualities or the women wouldn’t find you the least bit interesting. Get in touch with those qualities and forget about all this pretentious S***.
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Dinos, I don’t want to intellectualize the movie, but one of the things that the E. Murphy character was running from was, not the girl, but his own parents presumptions. Like him, you’ve transfixed your dilemma onto the women you date, when you don’t even have a problem over there. What do you do? You break out of the mold and become a good judge of character. God gave you two ears and only one mouth…listen twice as much as you talk.
)