friend to lova'

[D-bloke]

i was always told that its super hard makin a friend into a girl friend , ut i recently realized that I reeally likethis one girl. How can i ask her out in a way dat if she says no (preferably not) that it wont bother our friendship at all , or how can i go ask her out in order to hav her say yes

[Guest]

since you're already friends, the going out part (doing something together) won't be hard to arrange. the tricky part is that you're considering changing the NATURE of your friendship to something more, i presume, intimate. once you roll that die, whether you can skip back and forth across that line is a matter of the people involved, how much trust and respect there is and also how serious things become between you before you reverse course should you decide that the grass isn't as green as once hoped. it's entirely conceivable that you could lose a friend over this. on the other hand, what better person to begin a romance with than someone that knows you so well and whom you're comfortable with?


i have personal experience with this. so far, so very good. my girlfriend has been a good FRIEND for 15 years. i introduced her to her ex-husband and have watched her children grow. once neighbors, we have now lived a continent apart for a decade. just friends. whenever i am in her area ( i still have family closeby and visit somewhat frequently) we get together. last summer was no different except this time something changed. over the course of a long night's conversation, our friendship had begun to change into something new. for the next six weeks we spent a great deal of time writing letters. then loads of time on the telephone talking about what we felt and what it meant. this went while living 3000 miles apart. then she decided to come for a visit. a reality check, of sorts. at the time i was seeing someone else. it was no secret that that relationship, however nice, had no future. i didn't know what would happen with my to be new girlfriend but i realized i needed to find out and that i had to break up with the woman i was seeing. i wasn't willing or capable of living two lives, niether overtly nor secretly. it was a sad break-up for both of us. i knew that i was giving up someone who lived closeby and loved me to "see" if what i felt for the other was real. i was afraid that i would ruin a long and dearly held friendship on top of having written a one-way ticket away from my lover. i got lucky. i can easily imagine that the result could've been different and i'd end up without either. now the tricky part is what's next. am i willing to give up everything i've built here to start completely over again? i don't have any clear and simple answers to this.


getting back to your question about how to ask her out and "making" her say yes, it seems that you can ask but she will have to decide. it's a different algebra than bumping into someone new for the first time in a supermarket. think hard about your intent. good luck.