Am I wierd

[Paula P]

I have been married for 1 year and 7 months. We were both virgins when we got married (we're 26 and 25 now). To this day, my husband still cannot get his dick in me hardly at all!! I have no problem having orgasms as a matter of fact very quickly the second he starts rubbing my clit, so thats good. We've tried KY, but nothing seems to work. Its not that its just tight, it just seems like he hits a wall inside me as he gets just the head in. We've tried me on top and I love it!! the problem still is that he cannot get inside.
Could it be the problem is that I always try to get him to enter toward the front of my vagina, and I think the largest portion of the hole is toward the bum, I'm afraid though that he will put it up my bum.

I do not like him putting his fingers feeling around up there.

I tried to us a tampon up there twice before, but it hurt too much so I use pads.

Any ideas????!!

[sparkle]

i know that this may not sound very helpfull and you may not want to use this road but have you tried amill nitrate as it relaxes the muscles in that region or either put aside a couple of hours and really spend alot of time on each other first so your really relaxed

[CarrieDoway]

Have you had a gynae examination? There is a condition called vagismus that can totally stop penetration but you sound very relaxed about sex etc so I think this is less likely, a very tough hymen is another possibility.
You really are only going to get answers by going to see your dr, practise nurse, well woman clinic etc...any physical problem would be apparent immediately.

[Paula P]

Until I married it was not really anything I thought much about I just presumed it was because I was a virgin.
But I am really very shy about going to see my doctor firstly because it is a man and I am also very shy sexually anyway

[CarrieDoway]

A well womens clinic is usually staffed with women only, if there isn't one attached to your dr's then see if your local hospital has one. One thing to try yourself would be a very well lubricated finger when you are either aroused or very relaxed...its no more than you'd be doing if you were inserting a tampon. If you hit your "wall" after it gradually tapers then it could be that you are tensing up, if the "wall" is just there with no tapering then it does indicate a physical problem..tough hymen etc and you will need medical assistance to break it. It sound like you already have a pretty good sex life, but believe me it will only get better if you can swallow your shyness and see a health professional

[Sheri D]

Hi I am in the same situation as Paula except that I am married 5 months.
We were both virgins when we got married. When I realised that he could not penetrate..(because of hitting a wall that when pressed would cause extreme pain)...I started reading on the internet about it. I read about the vagisimus etc..and I went for 2 gynae exams. On the first visit my doctor did a thorough exam and he said everything was fine. He gave me a cream called xylocaine to rub on the area 10 mins before intercourse to numb the pain but no matter how much we put I still felt pain. I was bearing it alot but still the hymen appeared to tough. So the doctor called me in again. He checked again and said that I may have to do surgery to cut the hymen because of the situation. That was 3 weeks ago...and i don't want to do the surgery. I haven't called the doctor back with a date yet for the surgery and its going to cost me US$300 to do it. I don't know what other options there are. We have tried so many positions. It is frustrating.

[s]

I'm 20 years old and i suffer from vaginmus and you sound exactly like me.

I'm in a very loving realtionship and intamacy has never been a problem for me and my boyfriend and i can achieve and orgasm through clitoral stimualtion, but penetration was near impossible, for me putting my finger up there and for my boyfriend....I tried tampons but blacked out...... every one told me to relax - but i was!!! its not that easy....

Until i went to my doctor and she refered me to a specialist, now 4 months on not only can i insert my finger and various sized vaginal trainers, my boyfriend can insert 2 fingers..... it takes a lot of time and willing, but i've found that if you practise everynight in it becomes easier.... just have some faith in yourself..... no matter how hard you think its going to be....

[Kyra]

No, you're not werid at all...I have the same problem. I've gotten to the point where I don't want to have intercourse at all because of it. It's not at all pleaserable for me to be penetrated, I cannot use tampons or stand to have anything inserted.

[Turin]

I am the exact same way, and it is very frustrating. No one here would believe how many websites I've actually been to, learning aobut the hymen, learning aobut how to stretch it. No matter what I try, I just simply cannot do it ... and the most frustrating thing for me right now is that I can't wear tampons ... pads are disgusting! I've tried Lubricant, relaxing, arousing myself .. nothing works! The next thing to do would be to visit a gynecologist - I might have to get the stupid operation that stretches it, or something ... Has anyone here ever had that? I've been trying to find out a lot about it but I either get porn, or other weird sites that are helpful, but don't talk about the operation. It's getting to the point where I'm dreading my wedding night, and probably thinking about not having sex at all, which would be very hard to tell my boyfriend But it's true ...

Does it hurt after? What's the procedure? If someone could please tell me all they know about it ... Websites and links would be much appreciated (about the operation, I mean)

[Sheri D]

Well I have not gone for the operation although my doctor recommended it. He doesnt think I have vagisimus or anything simply that the hymen is tough and only cutting it will help. But I want to have intercourse with my husband the natural way u know....and its frustrating and you're right..there are hardly any websites about this..I have been searching for months...I came to this message board because of the topic and I found that someone had written about it. With regards to the procedure my doctor told me that it takes a few minutes and that you can return to normal acivities like work etc right after..however, no sex for 2 weeks. That's all I know.

Sheri

[Guest]

[laura86]

Hi ive just found this site and it is so helpful! Im only 18 and i have been sufferiong with this for a couple of years its so frustrating and I have only just figured out what it is! I have been going to the doctors for ages and all the do is give me names of really seriosu conditions which seems to make me tense up even more!! I have tried to relax a bit more and tried using tampons but after a while i just tense up and it hurts to take it out. I was just wondering if anyone else has the same problem as when i have sex it is not pleasurable it is painful and uncomfortable but then afterwardsa it is sooo painful to go to the toilet! and it goes on for days its feels like a cystitus kind of thing? I just wanted to know if this was a symptom anyone else has had or if i have actually got something more serious? Thanks Laura

[Guest]

Hi ive been married for 6 months and i have been having difficulty having sex with my husband. I dont have any problems having an orgasm. I feel my virgina is so tight that nothing is able to go up it. I have never used tamponsand have been a virgin for 26 years. My husband has tried to use his finger and he manages to get one finger fully in but 2 fingers has been impossible. When he tried to enter 2 fingers i get this stretching sensation and a burning affect. Is this normal the first time you do this? My husband has told me that he feels a hard wall around the entrance of my virgina. Is this normal? Can anyone help?

[Guest]

ITS CALLED YOUR HYMEN! OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR 26 AND DON'T KNOW THAT. HAVE SEX BUT TAKE IT SLOWLY IT MIGHT HURT THE FIRST TIME HE FULLY ENTERS YOU AND YOU MAY BLEED BUT YOU WILL BE FINE AFTER THAT...BLOODY VIRGINS! I DON'T KNOW!!

[Guest]

I'm 50, have had 3 kids vaginally, love sex, but still don't like more than ONE finger at a time inside of me! My husband is not huge but he is by no means small. Girls, you need to go to the doctor and have this taken care of. $300 is a small price to pay for the enjoyment and stress free life you and your husbands are missing. (I agree about the male/female doctor thing. When I was young, it was hard to find a female doctor and I always hesitated to go too. But now, there are a lot of ladies out there in the profession and SO much more sensitive to a woman's feelings... emotional and physical.)

According to this article though, vaginismus is a lot different than the thick hymen problem, and they say it CAN be conquered!

VAGINISMUS:
General vaginal tightness, burning or stinging with any vaginal penetration (by a penis, tampon, fingers or otherwise)
Great difficulty or an inability to allow penetration
Severe pain during attempted intercourse
Inability of difficulty inserting tampons
Emotional distress during intercourse or penetration
Background
Many women who have difficulty with first intercourse or vaginal penetration are often quick to suspect their hymen isn't “broken.” However, in some instances in which the woman is aroused, lubricated well, and has a patient and sensitive partner, but she still suffers great pain or discomfort with attempted penetration, that isn't the case at all.

The hymen -- a thin membrane partially covering the vaginal opening -- usually doesn't break or tear at all, as a matter of fact. For those women born with hymens (and not all of us are!), the hymen begins with small perforations already in it, which not only allow for menstrual flow, but for proper health of the vagina. Over time, that membrane slowly erodes to the sides of the vaginal opening, and that erosion or stretching is helped along by general physical activity, masturbation, tampon use and aging. In some cases (about one in two thousand), the hymen does not erode, or does not have the necessary perforations, but it cannot be “broken” by forcing it via intercourse. A doctors visit and a minor surgical procedure are what are called for in that instance.

So, if the hymen isn't to blame, what is? It may be Vaginismus, an involuntary spasm of the muscles around the vagina that force it to close so that it causes penetration to be difficult, painful, or utterly impossible.

Known Accomplices
Vaginismus isn't a physical condition, per se, though it has physical symptoms. It is considered a psychological (and thus, psychosomatic, meaning the psychological condition causes the physical symptoms) syndrome that is likely based in one of the following:

past sexual trauma, such as rape or sexual abuse
strong inhibitions (whether you recognize them or not) about sex arising from an upbringing in which sex was portrayed as dirty, sinful, taboo or bad,
a reaction to painful intercourse experiences had in the past
fears, phobias or neuroses about sex and/or sexual intercourse in general
or even because the person a woman is with isn't someone she wants to be with, either because she isn't attracted to them, is afraid of them, or because she may have a sexual orientation which brings about a negative reaction to a partner (for example, a homosexual woman -- whether she is aware of it or not -- with a male partner).
Vaginismus usually ONLY applies to intercourse or penetration. Women who suffer from this condition are not anorgasmic (unable to orgasm), nor are they unable to participate in and enjoy a myriad of other sexual activities. Most can orgasm freely and have plenty of sexual fulfillment so long as intercourse is not involved.

Advised Approach
A woman suffering most of the symptoms above should visit her gynecologist. Testing for Vaginismus is fairly simple: a gynecologist simply inserts a finger into the vagina and watches for a tight, involuntary muscle contraction.

Weapons
Treatment for Vaginismus is done by a sex therapy provider, who may do a number of different things. They may opt to use therapy that includes vaginal dilation exercises by using a series of plastic dilators, beginning with a small size, and working up to a larger one over a series of appointments. The therapist may include masturbation therapy, in which the patient is slowly taught to masturbate
If a woman suffering from Vaginismus has had previous sexual abuse experiences or other sexual traumas, she is usually encouraged to get counseling to supplement the physical therapy.

Most women diagnosed with Vaginismus are advised not to attempt intercourse or penetration until treatment has been completed.

Level of Danger
Vaginismus can be highly frustrating for a woman and her partner(s) if not diagnosed and treated, because she and her partner(s) will probably assume they are doing something wrong, or that there is something physically wrong with them. Trying to force intercourse when a woman is suffering from Vaginismus is not only physically painful, but because it is based in psychological and emotional factors, it may be very emotionally damaging. If a woman continues to attempt intercourse when this sort of pain continues, it can make the response worsen, and make treatment more difficult.

If intercourse attempts cease while treatment is pursued, there are no physical dangers whatsoever. And in about 98% of cases, just a few months of treatment can cure Vaginismus.

As a note, Vulvodynia, a severe and constant burning, pain or itching in the vulvar area is sometimes related to Vaginismus, or occurs as a secondary condition. Vulvodynia can make even sitting or walking difficult, and is reported to affect as many as 200,000 women in the United States alone.

Because vaginal tightness and painful penetration can also be symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases, it is important that when seeing your doctor for these symptoms, you let he or she know if you have been sexually active and/or have engaged in unprotected sexual activities in the past.

Protective measures
One cannot really prevent Vaginismus in oneself, as it is a result of past experiences, traumas or upbringing. However, it can be prevented in children and young adults simply by raising children in a setting with healthy, open and relaxed attitudes about sexuality, and without attaching taboo to basic sexuality. Protecting children and young adults from sexual assault or abuse is also highly important. If a woman has been a victim of sexual assault, preventing Vaginismus is one of many reasons to seek out support, counseling or therapy to heal from the assault psychologically, even if the abuse or assault was in the past.

http://www.scarleteen.com/pink/fbi_vaginismus.html