Thank You Marilyn King !

[Lena]

I feel real deep today , even watched the news instead of the old DICK VAN DYKE SHOW I recorded last nite .It has to be a combination of the cloudy weather that can get me thinking about meatyer things and hearing so much talk about politics all yesterday .I almost feel like wearing one of my gf's pant suits today since I feel so deep and serious ............

Really do feel like I was bombarded with major stuff.Except ofcourse for going into work and hearing storys about the derby .Definitely will this week post in the regular blog area derby storys .There always something . As always everyone had there own story that was funny , or bizarre or funny/ bizarre.

All the new people like every year seemed to talk about the tidal wave of people, the hotel is always at 100 % and we also get plenty of visitors . Really is hard to keep up with what you have to do especially if your new. One of the girls fromth front desk said she felt like she'd been run over by a truck what with all the people checking in and then out as well awnsering non-stop questiions .I can relate . My friends Barb & Bob in security told me they were going insane with big and little things .They actually got in a fight with 2 coyotes who refused to go with them to the security office to be photographed and posted off ( baned ) from the hotel . Thats surprising since the hookers usually go along peacefully then come right back loking for more johns .Some guests saw it all too and thought it was great entertainment even cheering when Barb slugged one of the girls in the throat .We Americans love violence They also said they thought of me when some rich German teen-agers into hip hop asked if there was anyone at the hotel to take them to the 'hood ( I can't write it out but Bob's impersonating of them saying 'hood in a German accent was hysterical) and since moi is definitely from the hod I wud be the best tour guide.A easy gig ,getting money for just driving the foreigners around showing them places where somebody got shot, gang grafetti , and dope houses .But still wudn't have, alot of reasons like safety but most of all even though I may complain about the old neigborhod here the people there are still humans not animals in a zoo there for rich kids to look at and be amused. The room service manager told us that when making a delivery a male waiter was greeted by naked woman in a huge exotic derby hat with a man calling out from the bedroom for her to bring it all in the bed for more fun .Barb thought that was funny and added that she saw a report from the afternon security team s where they found a guest room door open and when going in saw another woman only in this yellow hat covered with yellow imitation flowers on top of a guy in bed .Unnoticed they snuck out shutting the door behind them ..........

I can't turn around without being hit right between the eyes with politics . Mainly since its primary season :lol:Loks like Obama will be the Democrats nominee which is fine with moi !!! When the election started I was for John Edwards since he's like a fairly tale figure to me, was another poor southern white who made it to the top but never forgot about the little people . Loved his wife's brains and courage facing so many awful things that should never happen to anyone, like losing a child and having cancer herself . But Edwards as soon out so decided on Obama . Do admire Hilary but she comes off as thinking she's entitled to be president . :roll:Obama seems to care about all America.Wud be great racial healer and although some may think this is racist a great and much needed role model to a generation of black guys in the slums who now look up to ignorant , sexist , and racist rappers along with self obsessed atheletes .

Also worked a small private party last nite for the 60th birthday of Israel . Most there were in a good mood and it wrapped quickly since everyoen no doupt had to get up for work today . Forget what you hear about jews being cheap since many were generous tip wise and also don't listen to anyone say they don't drink .As with every event had the usual number of heavy drinkers . A nice enough event , even had a birthday cake they say was shaped liked Israel . .What struck me though was a few real superfifcially friendly but conniving looking people I think from up north who were more interested in talking about how we have to get tough even go to war with Iran ASAP.That being to them more important then the birthday party .As I saw them buttonhole the various guests about needing to attack Iran the sooner the better the words of some other customers about traitors in the israal lobby suddenly came to me. Liking Israel is no crime and considering how it fits into there religion shouldn't be surprising ( like all the catholics being excited about the pope's visit here ) but some take it WAY WAY WAY too far .Like the neocons who several army and academic people say convinced little georgey to invade Iraq mainly for Israel the people I saw want to see it all happen again with Iran .They won't go and bet there kids won't either but little people will have to do the fighting & dying too.Sorry but to me thats treason and makes those particular war mongers no better then the German nazis or klan for racist self worshipping and wanting to kill others .............

Am heading out for a run before it rains . Work at the hotel tonite . Heading out in a faded purple T shirt and tan cargo jeans .At work the penguin suit and orthies.

[Lena]

Up early today .Have to see the analyst and also work lunch at the country club then go to my regular job . All totalled it'll be a 15 hour day .Lucky me ...............

At dinner last nite inthe employee cafeteria sat with Siohan who was a cocktail waitress but now running banquets in all but name only . She seems pretty happy and being one of the suits has not gone to her head . I knew it wudn't but am still happy she isn't one of the phonys all to common in the hospitality industry who think there slick & sophisticated operators .And who walk over us little people .Siobhan's kids are coming from Irleand to visit next month and she's thrilled. All of them are going with American relatives from Boston to Disneyworld in Florida.She's also e-mailing the army guy she was real serious with whose now in Iraq BUT the naughty girl had a one nite stand with a guest . I want to think that was do to my influence. Siobhan's so nice and trys so hard with everything she does but we all need some decadence in our lives and moi is always the first person to say ' Go for it "

Heard too we're going to have KT Tunstall staying here in a few weeks .Also horror of horrors a huge group that'll be in town for the convention of the NATIOAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION or NRA which is the biggest gun lobby group . Charlton Heston was there president for years . Lucky me again , just what I want people from a organization thats against much neeed gun control and I bet half of them wil be walking a around carrying . Including in my bar automatically raising the odds someone including moi could get shot over something stupid that wud only involve name calling or shoving if it wasn't for having guns .

Moi sometimes thinks she's one of maybe 8 people who stay south of the Mason Dixon line who doesn't own a gun and is for stricter then strict gun control laws .Been around them all my life and fired a few kinds .If I still lived back in the hills wud own at least a shot gun since your so far out in the country if anything happend it wud take the police too long to get to you and what most city folks don't understand is you get animals that can be a real problem.But do think there should be strict standards for anyone who wants to own a gun and except for police and securitys no one should be allowed to own a hand gun .There only real purpose is to kill other human beings . And they have a nasty habit of turning arguements into murders just since folks get worked up and the gun is around .

But thats hard to ever see hapening . Guns are American as apple pie and hot dogs .Really doupt there'll ever be realistic strict gun control here . For too many guns are almost a religion and is often pretty goofy .Down here in the south boys in the country usally get there first rifles at 12 or so . There are plenty of people who own guns that have good reason like the ones who stay in the country . Also hunters and sport shooters. But too here own guns for the wrong reason and actually increase the danger there in having them .They'll always tell they need a pistol for protection .That may be true in some cases like if you own a store in the slums but for most it's silly response to doupts about there own self worth( amounting to a confidence pill ) and a mistaken response to fears about crime .Guns create a false sense of security working agnst things that are much better protection like keeping your eyes and ears open .Moi knew of many gangbangers who thought carrying around a 9 was enough and they got shot more then anyone else . Also a pistol lends itself to trouble like accidental shotings , suicide ,and passion shootings .

I've seen it a million times in real life and all you non Americans ( is there such a word ?) can even see it here in a thread.One member a very nice lady named Pia and her husband got pistols to defend themselves against criminals but she seemed to think just having a gun was enough and didn't seem to give any thought to paying attention to whats happening around you . Moi still worrys somebody will take the gun away from Pia and use it on her and the chance she or her hubby will shoot the other by mistake . Along with coco pop /lil minx who was a real headcase to begin with having serious self worth probelms & overwealming insecurity she tryed covering up with a ton of nonsense about being everything from a world class athelete to sex goddess . In this case claiming to be a virtual gunfighter nobody should ever mess with . It's mean to say but really do believe she'll use the gun on herself or some guy she was stalking ( it's a whole other issue but she was in love with love and had probems with accepting rejection ) before she ever shoots any criminal .

But people like the NRA make it all possible for us here including crimials , misguided naive people, and fools to be able to have about any kind of gun we want ! In the end they hurt more then help regular Americans just like the israel lobby and tobacco lobby . Moi will still be nice to them when there here, it is my job after all don't want to get shot by some looney mad his drink was slow . Wonder if like cell phones and lap tops we'll find lost pistols in the booths ?

Am heading out in a periwinkle blouse and navy blue mini . Also probaly for the last time this year my brown boots with a 3" heel .At work the penguin suit and orthies. And NO gun .................

[Lena]

Todays fresh post will be later...............we're going to play tennis

Yesterday was a monster day , the analyst , my pt job and was at the hotel till 3 AM since the bar stayed open late . I even dozed off at a red lite on the way home which was dangerous .

Heading out now in my pink sweat suit & sneakers.At work tonite the black cocktail waitress dress and seamed garter stockings and black flats .

[Lena]

The long awaited fresh post ..................bet many of you are breathing a sigh of relief along with maybe even calling your partners/friends to see it on the monitor .

Sunday morning and it's raining as well as Mothers Day today .Moi is exhausted ................too much running around and work .I have over done it just like last week-end when there was the derby .My back and legs are killing me with pain .Looking forward to going to bed for a long sleep when I get home tonite at about 6 PM

As far as the running around went Friday was on the go from morning till 3AM between my analyst , pt job at the country club , and regular work to the hotel .Like I wrote didn't get home till 3AM .Saturday was pretty much the same , played tennis (actually my gf played tennis while as coordinated as a preganant hippo moi just stood there on the court looking stupid ) then went to work at 4 PM staying till 8AM this morning , At work yesterday did the Concierge Lounge , a wedding then stayed al nite to do Room Servive . The usual waiter didn't show up so moi stayed for the extra money .

Saw some familier faces this week-end .On the fun side my buddy Derrick was running security , is real happy since he found 30 some years after starting a doctors degree in psychology the college is going to let him finish . He said the degree was always a life time effort . My other work friend Rosalind was MOD saturday and very very excited about being preggars .So am I for her Friday nite my all time favorite customer Mr.Dyson was in , as usual looking clasy in a navy blue sport coat and lite rget pants . Had another friend along , another 60'ish geezer who I think was trying to stay young ........in great shape in in a v-neck sweater andd T shirt with jeans and old fashioned high neck sneakers , had a toupee too. later hs wife joined them , a 50-60'ish attractive Asian woman who had to have been born here since there was no accent . She seemed very forceful and smart . The three of them laffed alot and talked about Tokyo and Korea in the 1960's .Heard the lady talk about being in her 9 th month and almost having a panic attack when caught in a huge traffic jam in Tokyo when the Beatles were having a concert .She was real wooryed about going into labor at any time ! Talk about a real life horror story , delivering in a taxi in the middle of a big city surrounded by fanatic fans wanting to see the Beatles concert ! Her hubby and Mr. Dyson both laffed and complimented her for her courage saying they'd have chosen nite patrol on the Korea DMZ which the army guys say is a dangerous place to be over that experience . :lol:They were real nice but once again Mr. Dyson didn't introduce me as his long lost daughter who he was going to leave what I think are his millions to and give me all the fatherly love and attention that scum Diamond Jimmy never gave me ................. :cry:Maybe next time .................

Also at the wedding noticed among the guests a couple whose wedding I worked about a year ago and the wifes family . Do believe I wrote about it here too. The groom seemed like a nice guy , something like a dentist and the bride was this big still pretty blond woman .The family acted all close but you could tell some thing was wrong .The bride's dad came on to me and Cassady ..........he was also about 70 and seemed to be a real player . Disgusting but he was still funny . And the bride ,her mom ,and 3 sisters all hung around together having there own little party within a party .The groom even getting pushed aside . Watching them after awhile it seemed more and more silly , like they were all addicted to each other and nobody else mattered . Really was sad when one little boy about 11 wanted to talk to his mom about something but she first told him to come back later then after he kept pressing the issue she up and screamed at him to go away since she was heading out on the dance floor with her own mommy .The boy walked away crying while his mother danced away laffing . ....................

Last nite noticed that the bride from last year was was now preggars but I couldn't tell what trimester since she's even bigger.No surprise to me , she and her mom& sisters (also all fat ) were still clinging to each other & coming close to ignoring everyone else .................

After the wedding they asked me to stay over since the room service waiter hadn't shown up. That has a habit of happening on week-ends when the people are partying The pays good though so I jumped at the chance even though I was already dog tired . The base pay is $12 a hour but since I am over my 40 hours get time and a half putting it up to $18 a hour plus tips Not much to doing room service on midnites, between midnite and 3AM you don't do much of anyting . Moi puts the time to good use by watching tv and talking to co-workers .Also go exploring around the hotel .Before Karin wud also at times have sex with one of the bellman , flirt with male co-workers , pretend we were Queen Latifah and sing away in the dark & empty employee cafateria with a friend who worked the front desk , get high & drink , and pleasure myself .Ooops , I did that too last nite .

At 3AM walk all the guest room floors picking up menus from the door knobs . Take along a radio ( and hidden knife) in case there's trouble and if I'm in the mood will get one of the securitys to go with me .Have to be careful with that , no surprise a few including married ones have gotten too friendly in the past . Back in the office start arranging the orders from the menus and on the awnsering machine .Head over to the kitchen to give them the info at 6M then at 6:30AM start deliverys .2 people today were impressed by the site of some one delivering breakfast in a black sexxy cocktail waitress dress............ The actual Room Service manager was real grateful I stayed ,he should be though since if I'd said no he wud have had to come in !The general manager also thanked me , was so thankful his holyness even let me leave without kissing his ring ..................

Work a private party at the country club soon . Heading out in a brown turtleneck , tan corduroy mini , with nude thigh topsand my rain slicker . At the country club there uniform of a white blouse , Kelly green jumper dress,and brown flats .Karin will be with her family all day celebrating Mothers day .My opinions on Mothers Day tommorrow !!!

[Lena]

Whats left of me is here now ...................News about moi's favorite subject namely moi first then reflections on motherhood .

Like last week and semi dead from too much over the week-end . What with running around all friday during the day then working till 3 AM , the same on saturday being out in the day then working from 3 PM till 8AM then going right aack into work to my pt sunday afternoon .Too much ! Plan to take it easy today although somebody who sleeps next to me wants to go shopping later...............

Yesterday was Mothers Day here and moi worked a private party at the country club for this rich guy . He actually owns a bank and had a party for his 90 year old mother with about 60 people . Worked it with Meghan and Nikki and belive you me we really worked too. Always was something to do . Carlene the pt batrtender's daughter Rachel back from college helped too, she seems more mature and worldly .It ended early though when one 70 something man fell and they had to rush him to the hospital . That surprised me but that was itself no surprise since family things can surprise me , seeing the old boy in pain took the partying mood out of all the adults . While with my people no one wud have been upset and the partying wud have definitely continued as long as there was alcohol......

Back home the boots came off and the red was soon being drunk . Both cats circled me I 'd like to believe saying Happy Mothers Day
Karin was with her people , Mothers Day is a huge deal in there family . Everyone gets dressed up and goes out to dinner then go visit Karin's granny and a elderly great aunt in nursing homes . Karin loves her family but always comes home happy it's over. Her mom's perfectionism and never really enjoying everything drives her up the wall to begin with . What makes it worse is her mom is one of those people who nothing is ever good enough for . Yesterday Diane upset Karin hasn't gotten any replys from pharmacy programs she applied to yet as if she could decide when they send out notices you've been accepted or rejected and dising her other daughters maternity clothes.


I think Diane can be a real bitch but then again she's almost holy compared to many other moms I know starting with Rose my own mother. Being a mother looks like one of or maybe the hardest job on the planet since if you want to do it right there's a ton of work and you have to give up so much of yourself for others.You have to cook & clean then be a good listener to your kids and pt teacher too.Know where they are and who there friends are too. Also as if that wasn't all enough or even to much be a friend and lover to your partner . And in todays world often have to have a outside job to bring in money . Really overwealms you when you think about it ...............it's so deep moi is even thinking about having a drink as she types!

Think it all begins with wanting kids to love and being real dedicated to doing the job . Sad to say have seen way too many examples where some have babys for other reasons and /or don't want to put the effort into raising them right.I come from a world where women many starting at puberty drop babys to get a welfare check . Don't know if any of the un American readers know this or even if many American readers know this but when your poor no matter what color or if you stay in the city or county being a welfare mom is a actual carer.You get money for the babys and qualify for free houssing or mostly paid up housing & money for heat , and emergency money .It goes on from generation to generation too, like in my own family

Don't think the babys get raised all that good although do know of plenty of exceptions . The babys usually come second with many moms being so young not mature enough to put in the effort and having no good example to copy since there own moms were the same way .I am pretty sure if we could all go to my sisters anand cousins we'd find then watching MTV or getting high or with one of the motherrfucking scum they always date & get preggars by with the kids running around on there own . A few years ago when my niece Lucy got pregnant at 14 her own mom my sister Betty was shocked and real angry , even slugged her and talked about having the daddy who was 18 locked up . But it came to me Betty had 2 of her 3 kids as a unwed teen age mom and since she was always out to the bars never kept a eye on Lucy so she was out doing whatever. The talk about having the cops lock up the daddy was forgotten when we learned he was in a gang and Betty didn't want to have to worry about getting beaten up or her car set on fire .As with Lucy the kids grow up feeling unloved and the cycle repeats itself .................

It's not just poor people though . Although alot less obvious know of middle class and rich women who have babys since it's expected and a status symbol .Then go off and do there thing letting nannys raise there kids. A good example of of middle class people doing that is my gf's auntie who I think adopted 2 kids to escape losing her figure thru child birth and be able to brag that she has children . Karin says her auntie who left all the work to her husband and a pt nanny ( the woman loves cheating to seem sophisticated, getting massages, drinking , and is the ultimate cleanliness freak , worse then even Karin's mom ) and BRAGGING BRAGGING BRAGGING . Once had a bumper sticker on her jeep ( naturally a phony she'd drive one of those ) saying SUPERLAWYER+SUPERMOM =SUPERWOMAN.When they both went bad she blamed the kids and as always went back to bragging how great she is or laffing at other people ( has mocked one relatives son with cystic fibrosis and another with a cleft palate ) . Both her kids are now in there 20's and wonder if either will make it to 30 but no matter what mom won't care ! I can see her at there funerals going thru the motions but inside feeling relieved there gone and thinking about meeting a lover at a fern bar .

The worst though is the very sophisticated and nice rich lady Betsy from the country club , Karin's auntie is a real bitch and it shows every time she opens her mouth , no one in the family likes her thats for sure!. But Betsy seems to be a great person with many friends except for when it comes to parenting and then she's a mess . She and her husband adopted a baby from China and brag about her all the time as if she was a sueprwoman . BUT Betsy & Tom have also outsourced raising the child ,. They have seperate sitters for the week-days and another for the week-end .About the only time the now 6 year old girl is with her folks is on saturday morning when her dad takes her to some lessons . The folks also go way on a few vacations a year leaving her with the help.Poor baby Hannah may be 6 but looks and acts more like 3 and always seems angry/depresed .Betsy though did win both the women's division of the amateur and pro/am tennis tournaments at the country club and to borrow a word from now banned murry always looks very " intrepid " pulling up in her green Range Rover..................

Then again those are all radical cases . But even think regular well meaning moms can make mistakes . Doing things like letting there own neurososis /probelms get in the way of raising a child .My gf's mom really does love all her kids and grand kids too. You can se a smile in her eyes at time when there all together . But don't know exactly why my gf's mom is so perfectionist and not being able to enjoy anything made alot of trouble for the kids . Reaching it's peak when she forced both daughters into marrying young since in her mind that was a big part of the never ending drive to always be perfect .Too bad as a result both daughters married guys who were total assholes, at least Karin escaped and found true happiness with this hillbilly dyke ................. I worry about being like Karin's mom if I'm ever a mother with my issues hurting or even ruining any childrens . Goodness me any kids will have to put up with my stinginess not to mention alcoholism .Maybe start dealing with both before I ever get pregnant again ..................

Nothing big planned today . In a white jean jacket , faded old green T shirt , falling apart jeans , white socks and old brown clogs .

[Lena]

Todays post will come in a few hours,trying a experiment about how to better use time . Am now going to play tennis .

[Lena]

Todays post !!!! The world can rest easy now !!!!

Karin and I played tennis earlier to get more into the day and have fun with each other . I liked it . Naturally she beat me in 4 out of 6 sets but was still fun .

Moi has decided she's writing this blog at the wrong time .It's usually one of the first things I do after waking up but am noticing doing that has a bad habit of tying me to the machine in general well into the rest of the morning . As fun as the www is do think I should be doing more offline during my free time . So will be posting later after doing something else before.May even miss a day or two if I get caught up in something and don't have the time to get to the machine. But don't worry , will always be back here and in the regular blog area .

We saw Barack Obama yesterday . He had a huge multi racial crowd and there was a real exciteing atmosphere .There were plenty of campaign signs for his election and most were downright happy to be there. The rally w s also swarming with police and tv news crews . I was almost just as excietd about seeing the vans from the various tv stations and local reporters as I was about the future Demcratic nominee and I hope president Moi never felt so excited about politics in my life.Karin felt almost the same , maybe she doesn't have as many passion genes as I have or is more sophisticated then me about politics .

Obama didn't really say anything amazing, just the usual campaign stuff .But you couldn't help pick up on his intelligence and energy . The difference betwen Obama and the fool we have now hits you in the face like a fist from Mike Tyson . You take one look at little georgey and you know he was never up to the job being too immature and shallow ( maybe even whacko ) and full of his own self delusioness about knowing everything and being tough . But seeing Obama you know despite not much experience Obama has the brains and soul to be a good president . The d

We ran into a few people we knew too, a few dykes & queers along with others from our life befores. Including a woman I went to high school with who was no genius herself back then but still shocked to see me the queen of detention at something important like a political rally . Things like that have happened before, when Karin was in college met her on campus and this one guy who I was in middle and high school with looked like he was going to have a stroke seeing me of all people on a college campus . He was real open about that too the point of being insulting . But hey I was a very proud of being ignorant and a trouble maker then so what could I expect ? Told him I was meeting my SO there and he aked if ' he' ( that annoyed me even more since I came out in 11th grade ) was a janitor or cafeteria help instead of a student . Anyway also saw Karin's 4th grade teacher , another nurse she works with , and one of her folk's neighbors . Everyone we TT was impressed by Obama's energy and intelligence . We signed up to help on primary day next week , they also have a party after to watch the results that should be fun .

Not much after, mostly hung around the house.Passion was in the air there too ! The older people in the penthosue are in Mexico but there son is home from school with his gf and there's been plenty of talk about them ((((LOUDLY)))) enjoying each other . At times yesterday we heard Belinda and Baily the buppies next door having fun then later Steve the police and his police gf Dolores upstairs making there own music .I joked the way things were going maybe later we'll hear 70 something Marie down the hall! Karin laffed and said I'm sick . Well just like people being surprised seeing moi in a college campus and at a political rally thats also been said before.............. But actually do hope Marie whose a widow meets someone again .

I work later at the country club , blaaaah . Wud rather stay home with Karin who doesn't have to go until 10PM or 2200 Euro time . Am going to get a e-mail off to cousin Tareva up to Detroit to see how our uncle Boyce is doing .He came close to dying from a aneurysm in his stomach .

Today in white T shirt , falling apart jeans ,and white jean jacket .At the country club the uniform of a white blouse, Kelly green jumper dress,nude garter stockings , and brown flats .Although will wear a flesh tone garetr belt today is a undies free day for me !

[Lena]

Here at the machine with a huge thunderstorm going on outside .The thunder can jolt you but I still love it .As I have written before I love the rain . Despite the every so often booming my gf who just got home less then a half hour ago is now sleeping away . Agatha the cat is with her while Fritz our alpha male cat is at the window looking out at the rain & traffic .

Lucky moi didn't have to work at the country club last nite .Are they reading this blog and saw how yesterday wrote how I didn't want to go in ? They caled mid afternon asking me to instead work lunches today and tomorrow .Kind of last minute but thats the hospitality industry for you and my fate since I'm only a pt'er at the country club . Moi agreed .We had a non eventful but nice nite at home .Karin made a pasta with clam sauce , broccoli , and shallots. I also had a bottle of wine with it . Lucky moi didn't have to share any since Karin had to work later and couldn't drink.We also watched STEEL MAGNOLIAS a movie about southern women all except for DOLLY PARTON played by yankees............ Not bad though , SHIRLEY MACLANE sure has carved out a niche for herself playing crazy older women .

The mind works in strange ways , at least mine .No surprise with learning disablitys and enough neurossis that if spread out among other people there wud be enough people to fill a whole psych ward . I thought about doing something last nite I shouldn't want to do or have even thought about .The desire was magically gone when I woke up this morning which was a relief but then in a nanno second got me thinking of how I really better get radical and renew /reinvigorate the desire to get rid of all the things that have made problems and live the life I want !

It all began alone in bed in the middle of the nite when I was either dreaming or half asleep and started thinking about the recent sex with Monica whose a leather girl that was one of the things that came close to breaking Karin and I up. But I wasn't thinking about how stupid and dangerous that had been but of Monica who despite being big and a leather girl ( at least on week-ends when she doesn't have to dress to pass ) is attractive in a soft butch kind of way . Then the mind came up with the thought since I was so stinking drunk I hardly recall any of it and certainly the pleasure but it wud have had to have been great fun even from the little I can actually recall......... like my leg over Monica's shoulder as she used a long neck beer bottle on me and with me coming in and out of black outs on my knees using my mouth , hands,and the same beer bottle on Monica .

As I thought about that I became more and more excited and put Mary Five Fingers to work As I rubbed and fingered away at myself thought about how erotic it was there with the two of us in the bathrom stall going at it like dogs in heat , in addition to the ther things remembering how coming out of one black out looked down to see the top of her head then felt then something very big and hard in me ( was she fisting me ? ) that whatever it was had me feeling too good to describe in words here. As I worked away on myself could think of nothing else but f*cking Monica. After finishing laying there feeling very very nice my wicked mind had me deciding to go over and seduce Monica . My idea was I deserved it ! I have always been such a selfish and decadent thing .........

In additon to wanting the fun thought how going to bed with Monica at this point wud be allright . Some sex time with her had already been bought and paid for .Regular readers will know how I was in so much apin over it thinking that was the main cause of the trouble with Karin which it wasn't . Also others had had fun from it so why not moi ? After all Monica got to sex me, that bitch Nevin was able to fulfill her dream of getting into Karin's pants during the time we were apart,and even though Karin didn't go off with Nevin do know my bitch well enough that she enjoyed the sex . I fell back asleep planning the where and when .................

But when I woke up this morning the grand plan to seduce Monica & get the ' getting some ' I an owed was off .Sex with Monica wud be nice but as I walked in my robe across the kitchen to feed the cats & make coffee it was at the back of what I have left of a mind . The idea of going over and f*cking her was about as realistic as flying to the moon . Besides as I washed out Agatha's food bowl thought why should I want to go back to a wild and often fun way of life but that also had more then it's share of pain & insanity and worst of all do something that wud be the end of this special thing with Karin ? Best to leave it to fantasy .

Tha had me sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of me thinking about how to live the rest of my life. Really do have to have to come up with a big psychology idea or mission statement about how I want to live my life .There's plenty of good things already like working , wanting to get ahead ,and keeping the relationship going . Also demons like the fatalism and the cynicism and impulseivity that that can get me in trouble . Really do have to sit down , maybe with a pen and paper and write down that mission statement . ................. Including things to watch out for like freak sexual encounters .Will definitely bring it up with the analyst friday

Off soon . In a white long sleeve oval neck T and jean mini . At the country club there uniform of the white blouse and Kelly green jumper dress with nude garter stockings and brown flats . At the hotel the black cocktail waitress dress and black flats

[Lena]

My 2 blogs have had 700 some hits in 24 hours ! Everyone e-mail SUE or JUDGE at FEMALEFIRST .CO.UK and tell them to pay me 50 cents a hit .If it all works out may do something like post a picture of myself nekkid or avideo clip having sex with my ex Marady since I still have the tape.

I do have some serious things on my mind but won't get right to them right away .Call me lazy if you will But it's morning and am still half asleep taking it easy here with coffee and the computer . It seems like I am always on the go with noise all round so am enjoying , actually loving the slow pace and quiet now .Our cozy little apartment feels extra cozy and warm today , as much as I'd love a log cabin on a river or lake the crib is perfect this morning . Karin's sleeping while the critters are at opposite ends of the love seat in the living room taking there morning baths .Those creatures are better about bathing then almost all of my relatives and they stay out of the calibouse too .

The sky rained most of yesterday which I loved . Worked lunch at the country club like I will today too. Even though the clubs away from downtown and you wudn't think as a private club it wud get much lunch business the place sure does. Charley Brown the chef ( also a graduate of Shawnee !! ) has a great local rep and draws business and many of the members come in too. Alot of time bringing along people from work .Yesterday I had one table ful of yuppys who were there to eat some of Charleys cooking and also a member who brought in 8 from his law firm .The yuppys were nice enough and good tippers but did notice how they tended to talk away with a eye to impressing each other about what gourmets they were and also generally how very very sophisticated/adventureous/smart they all are .Oh well thats typical yuppy speak .The lawyers were chatting up there cases and as hard as it is for moi to imagine excited about things like the Pestka trust dispute and how someone named Randa Haney is fighting the IRS about taxes on her vacation home . Oh well it there bread and butter and after all one person's passion is another persons sleeping pill. No matter who I always smile and focus on getting the order right and to them ASAP all with a smile on my face .

Then ran over to work the hotel . This may seem funny or strange to some but 2 worlds collided in my little KIA at a intersection .I was right behind at a interesectuion was behind a school bus letting off all these adorable little children with many in cute old fashioned yellow raincoats some being greetd by moms with a umbrella and pet dog with it all seeming so wholesome and all American .Then from out of the blue got a call from my best friend Leslie who was at work at the strip club .I could even hear the loud music the girls dance too in the background Les asking me to come to the good bye party for her ex Bill whose heading first for training then a year working security in Iraq.I was soon laffing at the total difference between the world I was seeing in front of me of beautiful well cared for children and at the same time being on the phone with my ultra lacivious friend who was at the den of inequity she works at .Let alone talking about a party for a guy headed off to war Really was bizarre and in it's own way funny ..................if you don't get the humor don't forget I've been locked in psych wards a few times .

The hotel was the same old same old .My fantasy male lover Christophe in security was working the employee entrance door . I was in a rush and could only wave .He will be a real catch for some lucky straight woman , hope after the army he stays here and doesn't go back to Haiti.With all the dorks , metrosexuals , sheep-in-wolves clothing , phonys, over-grown boys, and assholes out there America needs all the good guys it can get . Wore the black cocktail waitress dress, first did the Concierge Lounge then bar.Cassady got to do a private party this time which moi grit her teeth about since they pay better then working the bar . My friend Rosalind whose preggars is as usual super efficient at work but also talking mom stuf like what color to paint the bays room and is already worrying about what kind of school to send baby X too

Today in clothes from THE MARILYN KING COLLECTION .............yellow v-neck sleeveless sweater, white shirt , and loden green skirt . Also nude garter stockings and brown clogs . At the hotel think again the black cocktail waitress & dress black flats .

WARNING :Tomorows post will be meaty and maybe boring since will be about my thinking of how to come up with a identity that combines all my good points and go after the bad ones as well as what I want in my time on the planet .

[Lena]

Sad to say am home alone .....................Karin had to stay and work OT since 2 nurses called in sick and another wil be late . Funny how that tends to happen on week-ends......................... She shoudl be out by noon though .

A brief recap of yesterday . Worked the county club , not much happened .Seeing me come in looking like a young Martha Stewert in the yellow v-neck sweater and loden skirt from THE MARILYN KING COLLECTION the manger who they call the Colonel ( since he is a retired army colonel ) complimented me . Even began saying something like " I hope you don't see this as harassment but today you look so nice" . Saying his wife used to have a yellow v-neck sweater many years ago when the kids ( (who are now soemthing like 35-40) were little .Little did he know the clothes I was in were from the same time For some reason the chicken sandwich was very popular with the diners. It's something I'll give some deep thought to the next time I am stoned .

At the hotel wore the black cocktail waitress dress .First did time in the Concierge Lounge where I had 2 merlots to get me motivated . Barb in securitys wedding is only a few weeks away , at the end of the month over Memorial Day . She's all excited and very very hyper about the details . Got a call too from our friend Jessie about helping with a party over 4th of July which I think we can do . She has the adorable little girl Ying Ying from China who we sit for who got me wanting to be a mother someday . Sad to say Jessie mentioned the city in China where Ying Ying comes from got hit real bad by the earthquake over there , Jess was worried Ying Ying's birth parents may have been killed and worryed some day Ying Ying could be real bothered by that possibilety . I sure hope not . Later in the bar ( where I also had 2 more merlots to make sure I stayed motivated )there was a old war movie on the tv that some army guys were glued too but often laffed away since they thought it was also it was so unrealistic .From what they said it had a 100 year old Telly Savales being all macho yelling but since he was so old barely moving and all sorts of stupid stuff like people being shot but without the sound of gunfire & mortar shells crashing all around but none of the good guys getting hurt . Not my kind of movie but I can see how penis people could be amused...............

See tha analyst later today and it will be a intense session . Moi has been giving alot of thought to coming up with a whole ,unified identity . Basically it boils down to feeling whole witha clear self image . Have to come up with what I guess you could call a mosaic of my good and bad traits that make moi for better or worse.Ofcourse do want to work on the things that make trouble/drag me down . Although no doupt there'll be much pain and anxiety ( more then once I have broken down into tears and the shakes at the analysts ) can't help but believe it will make me a better person .Wish me luck , am going to need all the luck I can get !!!!

Dressing conservativelly today again in the clothes from THE MARILYN KING COLLECTION , this time a red vee-neck sleeveless sweater, white blouse,and navy blue pencil skirt along with nude garter stockings and my new brown clogs . At work tonite the black cocktail waitress dress and black flats .................


On to the analysts .....................

[Lena]

Too busy today but now have some free time . At work in the Concierge Lounge all by myself .

I logged in this morning but are computer was acting wierd so instead went and played tennis . There may not be fresh posts for the next few days till the problem is fixxed .Before taking the computer in to be fixxed and having to pay am going to suffer thru calling India to try to trouble shoot tomorrow . I have nothing against India or Indians but there screechy accents are like finger nails going across the blackboard .........Ofcourse goodness knows what they could say about my accent !

The hotel was real busy yesterday , unusual for this time of year .They had people from the NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION convention ( bang bang !! ) a wedding , dinner for people here for a jewish thing , and a high school prom . Moi wore the black cocktail waitress dress and handled the bar .With me was cocktail waitress Narla from Ireland , a fun woman .Had plenty of adventures dealing with the various people Also lost a garter snap when I bent over to bring out some napkins and got hit on by one gun nut . I lead such a exciting life !!!

As expected most of the gun people were talking about guns , guns , guns . Most were regular folks who weren't right wing fanatics or psychos about to go postal .Do think though many see owning a gun as some how making them macho . The only real whacko among them was this 40s something tall athletic blond woman who wudn't shut up , I think she had a rule that whenever awake her mouth always had to be running . All she did too was brag brag brag often dissing whoever she was talking too . She went on and on about being a expert with a .38 , .32, . 22 , .9 , and 2.0 ( ) along with saying she was a black belt in karate , black belt in judo ,and yellow belt in Oragami ( ) and like I said in the process putting down whatever poor soul happened to be in front of her . Even the gun nuts were laffing at her though ............

The only other wierdness was when one guy who I heard say had a insurance agency in Kansas tryed impressing this army ranger whow as just walking past him . The insurance guy buttonholed him trying to talk as one rough one to another telling the soldier how he was tough & a expert marksman .The soldier just smiled & patted him on the shoulder saying " Good for you chief " and kept walking .To me that was the clash between sheep-in-wolves clothing pretend macho and real macho .I see all kinds of soldiers and have yet to hear a one say how tough he is or he's a expert marksman ............ .The insurance guy should be proud of owning his own business and one that helps people rather then pretending he's a snake eater ...............

The prom crowd was fun to see. It seems so long ago that I went to mine .For you foreigners a prom is a dance at the end of high school where the kids go all out . Girls buy party dresses and guys will rent and in some rich areas buty a tuxedo . It's huge event . Nowadays it can include going out to dinner at a a fancy place, renting a limo , and getting a hotel room for the nite .

My school had a prom but it was no big deal .Most everyone was poor so that ruled out new dresses and things like limos & hotel rooms . Still had fun , looked absurd but had fun and made history too! I looked like the queen of tacky land in a red halter top and floor length black pleated skirt borrowed from a auntie . But was able to dance and laff all nite . The historical thing was as far as we know my gf and I being the first same sex couple to ever openly go to the school's prom . The principal didn't care about the site of two girls coming as a couple to the dance . Since his main worry was a gunfight between rival gangs happening at it .......

The dance last nite was kids from a school in a pretty well off suburb . Some stayed the nite to driving the guests in the rooms next to them and security crazy . They all looked so happy , am glad they could feel that way . A few looked wild but the only one who made any trouble was this already drunk heavy set boy who wanted a beer and without ID . I told him I couldn't serve him .Our little wanna be tough guy got angry and did some oh so impressive swearing to scare me .But I kept saying no and let him know it was time to leave or there'd be trouble ( me calling security who wud have given him a much needed spanking ? ) . He just stared at me then his friends coaxed him out . Good for them and as he left the blowhard had a confused look on his face .Is this girl the first person he ever pulled a temper tantrum on who DIDN'T give in ?

In another black cocktail waitress dress tonite along with nude garter stockings and black flats . After the Concierge Lounge work a wedding with Rafael while Cassady will be across the hall handling this huge bar mizvah . But lucky for her most of the guests are 13 and can't drink .........

DO NOT WORRY IF THERE ARE NO NEW POST FOR A FEW DAYS , I WIlL BE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lena]

Moi is back.................

Happy to see people kept reading while I was gone . Thanxs!!!!!!!!!!!

My pc is back from the shop .I inherited it from my gf and it's almost 7 years old, the hard drive went . Also was busy working for Obama in the primary here, we lost but it doesn't matter since Obama is the sure nominee. Also working in the primary was great fun . I can see how people can become political junkies.

A full post tomorrow ,am at the hotel now in the Concierge Lounge and soon the people will be coming in so I can't be here on the machine .In the black cocktail waitress dres, nude garter stockings ,and black flats .

See you all tomorrow !

[Guest]

So lets see:

You want a president who will raise your taxes, surrender in Iraq, talk to terrorist leaders, who's wife isn't proud of her country (until recently), went to a chruch for 20 years that basically hates America, and Hamas hopes he wins. Should I go on? God help us all if he's elected. I would prefer even the evil Hillary to him. But still good to see someone your age is involved in politics, although missguided.

[Lena]

[Lena]

Good to be back here in the blogaspheare ! Thanx to the www all the world can see my ideas and experiences . Although that could be dangerous................

Had a wonderful nite's sleep, the weathers still cooler and that always has me sleeping well. Also had a great self-sex experience too . Someday have to do a post about the joys of m'bating . Like drinking it's my own special do -it-yourself project . Moi rubbed and teased away and then REALLY came ..............

We worked for Obama in the primary election sunday-tuesday and had a great time .It really felt wonderful to be part of something bigger then yourself and doing something for the country .The tv reporters are right too , the campaign has a special air of excitement to it .Everyone seems to want change away from the fool we have now .All kinds of people were helping out too, whites & blacks , young & old along with yuppys & students.

Got there sunday after work at the country club and spent a few hours on the phone calling people to tell them to vote for Obama .There were a whole group of us in a big empty room full of phones with a script. That wa fun & so easy at first . But after a few hours I lost enthusiasm . The supervisor , a lawyer named Saul about 35 said thats common .You can only be ' on ' so long before burn- out sets in . Amen to that , at least at the bar the site of tips acts like a shot giving me energy to keep the enthusiasm up Noticed too that some of our fellow volunteers that nite were on the nerdy or even crazy side too. A normal looking guy working next to Karin says thats not unusual , although many dedicated people turn out to help in elections they also ALWAYS draw what he nicely called 'eccentrics' . Not surprising so many wud be there sunday nite too, thats a time when most are with family or friends or at homes was this very tightly wrapped looking black guy about 65 who after seeing us holding hands GLARED in dissapproval along with some tall still pretty something woman who we figured was the worlds oldest yuppy . She showed herself to be a whacko when leaving asking Saul the supervisor if after he is elected Obama will have the CIA and Illuminati stop spying on her.................... Saul said he'd make sure of that then after she left we saw him chuckle and roll his yes .I guess like in life in political campaigns it takes all kinds..................

Monday afternoon -nite we worked the phones again calling and calling people .Luckily for us our fellow volunteers were alot more normal . Many more too, a huge after work crowd still all dressed up . We both thought it was inspiring seeing so many people use there nite off to help with the campaign . Alot of excitement and fun was in the air. Do love awnsering machines , there so easy to leave a message on and not have to be so energetic talking to people and you can make more calls too since thats faster . . Many yuppy types, this one black guy about 26 named Jules who was a school teacher was fantastic on the phone . He should give up teaching and become a telemarketer and get rich , people wud buy whatever he was selling . But then again do think the planet needs good teachers more then telemarketers Also 2 women in there mid 20's named Cathy and Ruth who were very nice to us . Both with perfect hair and make-up & clothes . Both very pretty and so UMC , they were going to the national convention too . Karin saw them as real idealistic, but more cynical and I dare say less naive moi saw them as being ultra ambitious & in love with power and excitement . I wonder if Obama is elected they'll get big government jobs or be at the center of a scandel ?

The amusing thing was when one guy sitting next to em laffed and told whoever he was talking to how great Obama is and that he'll also end the income tax if elected . This one middle aged teacher near-by got all worked up and in a real strict school marmish way told him not to say things like that for the whole roomful of volunteers to see. The guy kept his col but then sarcastically asked if he had to go report to the principal or stay after school .the school marm was shocked ,a s a student had told her to f*ck off! . A few peope smiled or more or quietly laffed . Moi though broke out laffing loudly which got me a nasty stare from the obnoxious old school marm .Oh well, teachers and I never did get along ....... Later a shocked Karin told me she couldn't believe I did that . moi just shrugged her shoulders and smiled .I wonder if that mean old school marm knew Mrs.Cole my special ed math teacher in 7th grade who wud whip students with her pointer or the still alive middle school vice principal who said with my grades a& attitude the only job I wud ever get was being the career other woman' or lumber camp plaything ?

Election day I was all over the place. At first Karin and I worked the phones then after she went home to sleep before going to work I went on a school bus to churches and nursing homes in black areas to pick up seniors to get them to the polling places .My job was to go in telling them all the bus was here and to help anyone who needed it on board. Working with seniors can be something , some can be so sweet and nice while other are insane and NASTY . One nice old woman smiled & gave me a quarter tip while this one old man with huge mutton chop side burns pinched my booty ..........

After breaking to go work at the country club came back to the huge party to watch the returns . Some were upset that as predicted Obama lost the primary here but most especially the big shots running the campaign and paid staff took it all in stride. Despite losing Obama now looks like the nominee. The party wa sfun , talked to some people I'd met and also a few dykes we know who had also volunteered . What was most interesting about it all was there in one room all interacting together were little people like me and the rich & powerful who had headed up the campaign .All acting equal , being excited about the campaign , and having the same goal of electing Obama ! Wonder if that happens in any other countrys and made me feel proud and happy about the way we do things here. No offense to any other country ! Luickily the mean school marm wasn't there, probably home evilly laffing as she made up tests with trick questions just to make sure her students did bad

Today in a white cotton turtleneck and jean mini along with nude pantyhose & brown flats . At work probably the penguin suit & orthies .