Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2004 3:34 pm Post subject: What do I do! Help!
I am in an impossible situation - can't talk to my friends, family, colleagues or anyone. I even thought about talking to a priest cos I have nobody I can talk about this with.
I was with a bloke for 7 months, and we had a great relationship, but it was all about the sex and we realised we werent compatible and decided to be friends instead. This was fine until he started going out with my next door neighbour, and I see them kissing at her gate every day and can't bear it. I think I love him, but didn't realise it until it was too late.
Anyway, to help me get over him, I slept with his brother (next best thing?) and I missed a period, and discovered I am pregnant. However, his brother is also the boyfriend of one of my mates. I know everyone would hate me if I told them I had slept with my friends bloke and my ex's brother, and if I told any of my friends they would all take her side. Also, I could never tell my family as they would disown me if I said I was pregnant. I am only 17 as well.
I cant cope with it all, cant sleep, eat, all I seem to do is sit in my room crying yet my mates are all ringing me to go out, and I cant face it. My ex has chatted with me a few times since, and told me how great it is that we're still mates and moved on but I havent. I thought about having the baby as it meant I would get to see my ex from time to time, but it would destroy my life - my relationship with my family, I would lose all my friends and never be friendly with my ex again. I think it is best if I have an abortion, but i'm scared, and dont want anyone to know.
I thought about pretending it was my ex's, but it wouldnt be fair to put him through that. Someone please give me some advice, its killing me.
I'm not the right person to help you through this, but I know how much you need a response. Some thoughts.
Most important you need someone to talk to - preferably someone older and with some real experience.
Don't assume you can't talk to your mother. If you possibly can you really should. She's almost certain to find out one way or another, and it would be so much better hearing it from you, and you really need her help.
I presume you got a test kit so haven't talked to your doctor. You should certainly talk to the doctor however afraid you are. Your doctor will keep things confidential and will know all the other people who can advise you.
Remember that this is not just about you, it is also about the baby which is starting to form. If you want an abortion you only have limited time (24 weeks) so you need to make your mind up soon. If you decide to keep it then you need to think about what sort of life will you be able to give it.
If you want a shoulder to cry on call the Smaritans. They also know all the people who can help you and you can stay completely . if you want. Their number is 08457-909090. You can also find out more about your options on www.brook.org.uk.
Whatever you do don't panic. Things may seem pretty tough now, but it is not the end of the world and you are not the only person who has had to go through something like this. You will get through it and you will have happier times ahead. You've made a mistake, but we all do that, what you now need to do is get the best help you can and decide what to do now.
You need to work out whats most important to you - a good family life, friends, your ex, your baby, your future - what is it you want from life. We all end up having to make hard decisions at some point, and this will be your first of many. Could you live with yourself if you had a termination? How would you feel? Or could you hide your betrayal to your friend and ex by saying the baby was someone elses? Mothers have strong views, but that is only because they want what is best for you. As a mother, I tell my daughter to be careful, shout at ther when she comes home drunk (she is 17) and dont like her choice in men - but I was exactly the same at her age, and so was your mum. She will be there for you, she wont leave you in the lurch because she loves you. I think you should tell your mum, and maybe contact a support group like Harry has suggested. The only person though who can decide what course of action you take is you - but make sure it is the right one, and you are not pressurised into making that choice. Good luck, please let me know how you get on x
Thank you all for your advice - just read your message Kitty. I have booked a termination for next week, I am 10 weeks pregnant.
I spoke with my teacher at college as she could tell something was wrong and arranged a meeting with me. She was great about it, and gave me some time off to sort myself out.
My friend broke up with the babys father, and my ex is no longer seeing the girl next door. I now have no contact with the family, and feel I need it to stay that way, which is why I cant have the baby. I know for my future as well I am too young, and would not handle the responsibility well. My teacher suggested adoption, but it is the actual pregnancy I cant handle.
I know I acted irresponsibly, and I regret it now believe me. I think I need toi do a lot of growing up, and am next year taking a gap year to Africa. I want to work in a small village in Ethiopia and try to make a difference - there are a group oif people doing this in my area, and I have signed up to join them. I feel that I need some perpective in my life, and this will provide it for me.
I am quite messed up at the moment, and dont know how I will feel after next Tuesday. I do know its for the best though, yet I am quite sad about it at the same time.
Anyway, I will talk more after next week, and hopefully things will get better
Bandit best of luck which everway you go, it will be hard for a while but you may be suprised how supportive your family and friend scan be when the chips are really down. You don't need to tell them who the father is anyway
Well I had a termination but feel even worse now. I feel so guilty and as though I have cheated my baby. I am taking a gap year off from June so hopefully that will clear my head and help me get on with things. Thank you all.
all the best for u!!!
quite something u have to go through at the age of 17!!!
i will pray for you, pray that you will be able to accept the decision u made. u made it because u could only choose between bad and worse, u did what u thought to be the better thing...
i'll pray that u will be strong enough to go through this hard time...
i wish u that your family will be there for u too.
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