friend or potential lover?

blueeyze · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 28 Feb 2005 Posts: 7

i have been friends with a guy for about 5 years we have slept together years ago and more recently, i am a little confused as he doesn't seem to want to get involved but when visiting each other recently we ended up acting like a couple, being cuddled up on the sofa watching a film. I tried to ask him about this but got no reponse. I'm confused, could any guys tell what this may mean.

Bishette · Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2005 9:05 pm Post subject:

maybe for him being cuddled up on the sofa watching a film was a sign of your friendship, because he feels so comfortable with you, warmth and affection belongs in a good friendship and it may have had nothing to do with sexual feelings on his part

it could be you got no response because mentioning it has scared him. men often think if they ignore something like this it will go away, and thats probably why you're getting no response to your questions, because he's hoping you'll forget about it and you can go back to being best mates again

blueeyze · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 28 Feb 2005 Posts: 7

yeh maybe, the same things has happened again except it went alot further and i stayed over, this has happened many times before. In my opinion we are extremely close even if it is just as friends. I would like it to be more and i've had a conversation before about this a couple of months back when wwe kept ending up together and he said he is not ready for a relationship at the moment, which is fair enough. Could this have change and maybe he is scared about how he feel? maybe he doesnt want to get hurt again?

catweasel · Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2005 3:37 pm Post subject:

How old is he?
Does he have a girlfriend, or talk to you about the desires he has for someone?

Of the times when u 2 have got it together....has drink been involved?

Sorry for the quizzing, but in my experience these are things which can help understand the situation a bit more.

C

Pia · Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2005 7:00 pm Post subject:

Well you know if you enjoy being together can you just have fun? Guys don't want to be push into serious relationship. They want to be the one to initiate it. If he is not seeing someone else right now, I would let things be spontanous.

catweasel · Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 2:53 pm Post subject:

Hmm, kind of disagree. To me soungs like Blueeyze has been forward with her advances. In my experience men love pro-active, spontaneous, confident women. If you are giving him the advance and he is resisting - I can only think of a few reasons:

1. He is naturally a shy individual who is not ready for you.
2. He honestly wants you as a friend but is not man enough to tell you he doesn't fancy you.
3. He is young and wants to experiment more with women before commiting himself to you - he genuinely doesn't want to hurt you.
4. He is gay and has been battling with his sexuality in "safe" company.

C.

Pia · Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 5:17 pm Post subject:

You sure made some good points. Men sure are attracted to confident women.

blueeyze · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 28 Feb 2005 Posts: 7

he is not gay he is a few years older than me im 22 he is 26. sometimes it happens when we are drunk but we spend time together sober as well and it doesnt always end up in the sack! this happened a few yrs ago but he had just come out of a longterm relationship i then went into one and only finished it last summer. Since then we have been getting close again. i stayed over again! Not sure what to make of anything, dont want to lose a good m8, so maybe we should just have some fun and see where it goes if anywhere. I would like it to.

Vino · Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 10:48 am Post subject:

i was in the same situation as you pretty much, not even 2 weeks ago i slept with a very close friend of mine, it was one of those things that happened, thankfully neither of us wanted a relationship out of it, but we didnt know that until we talked about it afterwards. To be honest it will be the most awkward conversation of your life but dont avoid it, it needs to be done. you need to know what he thinks of the whole thing, because while you could be thinking relationship he may be thinking friends with benifits I would try and offer you some deep insight about what he wants, but i dont know him, only you do, so you need to chat with him about the situation and ask wherey ou stand, just out of curiosity and all. though personally im thinking he sees you as a friend with some benifits on the side. which hey can always be fun if both people can handle it

blueeyze · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 28 Feb 2005 Posts: 7

maybe, im not sure if i want a relationship anyway. i think it maybe is mates with benefits, which yes is fun and it has never effected our friendship before. Maybe i'll just play it by here and see what happens if anything. I don't think i'd like seeing him with someone else though. i know he is worried about my ex who he is mates with and tends to kick off when i meet someone else.

blueeyze · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 28 Feb 2005 Posts: 7

i think i'm getting more confused no! Been thinking alot today, and can't seem to get him out of my head! Which is unusal. I don't know what to do for the best, i cant keep falling into bed with him, as that may make my feelings stronger. But on the other hand i dont want to not spend time with him, cuddling up etc and maybe going to bed together. I give up, y is nothing ever simple?