BIG AGE GAP relationships?

Lambo · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 4:18 pm Post subject: BIG AGE GAP relationships?

I am currently seeing a 24 yr old female who I have become friends with over the last few months and we both feel that it is right for us to begin a steady relationship together.
However, I am 53 and this does not bother her at all. She is not a 'Gold digger' as I am not rich or even well off. I am divorced with 3 daughters who love me totally, but I have not gone into this without them at least approving of the lady I am seeing. My eldest daughter is 29 and says that as long as I am happy she will always be there for me.
Does anyone else have experience of these kind of relationships with a large age gap and what do they feel are the pitfalls, if any.

Verve · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 4:43 pm Post subject:

The one pitfall might be children. Her wanting them and you being too old to go down the same road you've been before.

Guest · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 8:03 pm Post subject:

If you started doing drugs because it made you happy would your daughter still approve?

Probably... since she has no backbone to tell you how she really feels!

But back to you dating a nice honey half your age.
Can't find a woman your equal?
Is she looking for a daddy?

I am sure your flattered... but really... dating a woman your daughters age!!!

Kalith · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 9:24 pm Post subject:

Winky89 · FemaleFirst Guru Joined: 14 Jan 2007 Posts: 5306

I respect your decision to be in an age-gap decision but i couldnt ever imagine being with a man so much older than me

ZiaAries · Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 5:21 am Post subject: age gap

Kalith, I've said it before but you are wise beyond your years.

I think as long as this man is fit and healthy and can keep up with her and they share lots of the same interest...enjoy it.

Pitfalls you ask... you could be set in your ways, maybe not as flexible as a person younger than you... such as in views and opinions. Your choice of music and her choice... politics, history, your experiences...all of these things are very unimportant but they can cause frustration for both of you. You may one day be accused of being 'old fashion' Those are just a few things that I can think of. But I'm all for any relationship that makes two people happy in life.

elliott20 · Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 4:14 pm Post subject:

it's about emotional compatibility as well as lifestyle compatibility.

If you guys and those close to you can handle the fact that you guys have such a huge age gap, then I see no reason why you shouldn't go ahead with it.

Guest · Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 4:28 pm Post subject:

Guest · Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 5:05 pm Post subject:

Good on your mate, got for it, nothing wrong with a youger woman.

Guest · Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 8:11 pm Post subject:

My husband is only 13 years older than me. He is 52, I'm 39. He still has a nice flat stomach and a pretty nice body. That little blue pill helps out a lot for you older guys sometimes too. I'd say the only thing that is beginning to bother me a bit is his skin! No matter what you do, your skin is going to get thin and soft and the wrinkles are going to set in. That shouldn't be a problem, and so far, it sure doesn't make me love him less, but heck, I have to tell you...sometimes I think about being with a younger man and feeling a bit of youth against my body.

Guest · Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 11:41 am Post subject:

I actually think it's lovely, if you love each other then good for you, I hope you're very happy together. Smile

Guest · Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 3:28 pm Post subject:

Ignore the age gap. I'm 54 and my wife is over 10 years younger than me. The only time we notice the age gap is when we talk about our childhoods. She wasn't born when the Beatles were in the charts! Otherwise, we never notice it.

The bigger the age gap, the bigger the problems can be. They're far from insurmountable though. Look at Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee to name but two. If you both love each other, enjoy that and let the relationship grow. If it does, it's right for you.

gfhdfghg · Guest

People rarely look at things from the older persons perspective in a relationship with an age gap. People assume that being younger is somehow better... why is that exactly?
I'm 30, i look about 24... so i often end up in relationships with girls who are quite a bit younger than me (generally 20-22) - because they approach me thinking im younger.

Now in my experience an age gap can be a problem. often younger women are less together and carry around all sorts of hangups. But people always seem to think that it is the younger person who will have more issues with the older partner. Personally I have everything i had at 20 plus a whole lot more going for me now. I always find that it is the older partner who has to make concessions for the younger. And it can be annoying to have to bite your lip when you see someone doing something that is a real cliche.

Either way, an age gap is only really as much of an issue as you make it. If you live strictly to stereotypes and behave "like you should" at any given age - then of course it's going to be a problem. If you on the other hand accept that different people lead completely different lifestyles and there are many 25 year olds who have done more in thier life than some 50 year olds...

Age is not a very reliable gauge of someones life experience. My mother for example has never left her hometown! she's in her 60s! whilst my younger brother who is 25 has visited half the world! in many ways he has a maturity in experience that exceeds his own mothers!

there are physical issues - but these once again are utterly dependant on someones lifestyle. A 40 year old who spends his time in the gym, eats well etc. etc. will in many ways be more "youthful" in his body than a 25 year old guy who plays computer games and eats KFC every day.

So rather than ask someone "how old are you" you are much better off to ask "what have you done with your life so far" - put our assumptions and stereotypes aside and have a genuine interaction with the person in front of you... rather than taking a random number and then projection your assumptions onto that person.

elliott20 · Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 7:22 pm Post subject:

hey, judging people based on a single attribute in the name of perceptial laziness is what we DO around here!

Guest · Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 10:47 pm Post subject:

I'm a 29 year old bloke and have just started a relationship with an 18 year old. I was pretty much single for 3 years up to now. I found this thread . about for what people think about this sort of stuff.

I work in a company HQ with about 450 staff of which I guess about 70% are female, and I am pretty sociable out of work too, so it is not like I haven't had opportunties to meet people, but for the last 3 years I was pretty much permenantly single and never found anybody that felt right for me.

This girl works at the same place as me and we have known each other since we were 16/27, always got on, and finally started seeing each other about 2 months ago.

It has been pretty bloody awkward at work at times, I have a reasonably high profile job and know a lot of people at work - many of whom couldn't understand why I was single ages and have gossiped quite a bit when they have seen me talking to any attractive female in the past... a lot of people (all the management for a start) don't know about us yet but the S*** will probably hit the fan when they do.

The great thing is that the handful of people who know both of us have been really happy and supportive that we are together... it's all the ones that only know one of us but not the other that seem to think it is weird/wrong. The particular "attitude" I have had has come from a couple of single women in their early 30's - I won't say they are "jealous" as such, but I think it does make them insecure for some reason.

The most bizarre thing is that my little brother (now 27) married a woman 10 years older than him when he was 19 - that all went disasterously wrong after about 6 years but not because of the age gap. My parents did not have a great reaction to them being together at the time so I have chosen not to discuss what I am up to at the moment with them! My girlfriend's parents know we are together and don't have a problem with it, but she did tell them that I'm 25 (about what I look anyway) - not sure when the truth will come out.

I'm not sure what it is we have in common that attracted us; we don't like the same music, I love books and she doesn't read anything except Cosmo etc... etc... but it is all good at the moment and we like being out and about together and doing "couple stuff". Some people that don't know us have suggested that I am a bit of a perv or something and am taking advantage, but she is about as innocent as I was at 18 (i.e. not at all) so it doesn't bother me really.

The only thing that is a bit crap is I lived with somebody for 5 years in my early-mid 20's, have enjoyed being single, and I guess I would now be ready to "domesticate myself" for the right woman. Whilst I think she is great, it would not be fair to expect that she will want to settle down to domestic bliss and not realistic to expect it to last forever, but you only get one shot at life so why not enjoy it while you can?

Opinions welcome.