Compulsive Liar

[Desperat Lee]

I would like to take that advice but i no that i would never be able to do that i no in my self that i am not smart enough to rember my past lie!!! andto behonest i want to stop completly! they never help me...buti took the other piece of advice i did ask my boyfriend for another chance but he feels that he has given to manyand i will lie again i just want want him to no that i can stop i didhave a phase only two week ago where i didnt lie once to him or any1!! and it was great but 1 lie and it slipped up and now he wants to move on but i no most people might say im too young but i dont want to move on i do want him!?what shall i do

[Guest]

[mightyconfused]

i am new here, have read some posts, do live with a compulsive liar. it seems she goes out her way to lie about the most mundane of things, and then becomes defensive when questioned, and doubly so once exposed, then turning into denial and self righteous rhetoric to defend the lie, claims such as i do not trust her (of course not, look at what you do), that i am too nosy (i want to know the truth), that it does not affect me in any way (er, duh, we are married, of course it does), that I am simply a controlling overbearing prick who cares about no one but myself (after caring and supporting her for several (5) years during an illness and affording her time to get back on her feet and resume a career).
I am at my wits end, am tired of being verbally abused and threathened and yet part of me thinks she can change, am I simply kidding myself into believe it?

[....]

I warned and warned (if you say that word enough times it will sound as stupid as it is) my H about lying to me. Gave him chance after chance. He would always say he was "sorry" and we would go on until the next inexcapable lie crossed his lips.

So 2 years ago, my "warnings" became real. It was a stupid lie, but a lie just the same. I marched my butt down to court and filed for divorce. It wasn't until THEN that he realized maybe I was serious and he was going to lose life as he knew it. My intenton was never to take his assets or limit his time with our children. He was a great father and he provided well (except for the lies about money) for years. But I just wanted out and away from the lies that effected me. Even the smallest lie hurt like hell.

Two years later -- the man is not perfect and he makes mistakes, but things are 90% on the table at this point and I can deal with that. He had to hit the wall before he realized what a lie can do to the people he loved. Good luck with your wife. Maybe she needs a little wake-up call herself.

[lovingaliar]

Hey all,
just like many of you, I have been misled for 3 years by the first love of my life. nothing else much to say. everybody else has said all the feelings that i'm feeling. i want to talk to compulsiveliar!! is he still here???? and how is everything going with him....my bf has hit rock bottom...can he get better? dont know...i feel like i can never love again. ill always think about him.

[Munro]

I am a 22 year old compulsive liar I have lied constantly since I was a young child. It has reached the stage where I can no longer control it and worse I find it hard to diffrentiate between what is true and what is not. My lies are so extreme and prolonged that I live many separate lifes with many different people where I find it a full-time job just to keep these people separate from each other. It has got to the stage where my stories are in so much depth that I cannot retract them just for the fear of losing the ones I love. I am a excellent liar where I keep track of everything that I say and to whom so no-one can see the contradictions. But I am fearful that I am slowly losing my true personality and history and the only logical way to deal with the debacle in my mind is to move away and start a new.

[Hermione4]

I just found out last night that my husband is a compulsive liar. I had a feeling all along that his "stories" were just that - stories. I have been reading everyone's responses here, and have tried to register to talk, but it keeps saying I've entered the code wrong. I'm feeling pretty bad today, very alone and f*cked up. I don't know what to do. I love him, he's a sweet wonderful kind considerate man who loves me(I think?) Can someone write to me? IM is Hermer444, and myspace url is myspace.com/hermione4 I would like to chat if anyone can,
Thanks,
Steph

[PawleysIslandWife]

I have been reading the post and I wanted to tell my story and maybe get some feed back. My husband and I have been married for almost six years. His lying started immediately. He lied about going to and graduating from college, he lied about what his father did for a living, he lied about a lot of little things. I found out the truth about these things after talking to his mother. When I confronted him he got defensive and then admitted the truth. I still married him anyway. Over our marriage I new he lied...he lied to people right in front of me. He told little white lies. I hated it! I would confront him and still the lies continued. About three years ago he had a horrible affair that was wrapped in lies about having to work late and help friends move furniture or the like. He came clean about the affair on his own. And I told him from that point on that I would call him out when I thought he was lying. There were times over the next few years that I knew he was lying. He took money from our joint account and lied about why he needed it. He would lie about kudos he received at work or comments he received. A few months ago I found out he was having an emotional affair with a woman and I kicked him out. He eventually did have a physical relationship with her but soon after came back to me to reconcile. I also found out just this week that he had started using cocaine when he met this woman and while we were still living together. He took money from his job and told him employer to just take it out of his pay checks (he told me other reasons why his check was short) I found out today that he took 2 checks out of my personal checking book and wrote them about two weeks ago when I was still unaware of his drug use. I need to confront him about it...I took him back with the understanding that we were going to be completely honest with each other...and I find out after he has moved back in that he has been using cociane. He started a new job and I am scared that he will lie to them and lose it..I am scared he will steal more money from our accoutn. I do love him, he has a very very kind side and I know he loves me. But he does have a VERY low self-esteem and I know he lies to cover it up and he lies to hid things from me. Does anyone have any advice? Is there anything to save this marriage? Please be kind and not judgemental in your responses.

[guest222222]

is it possible for someone to compulsively lie about an affair or two
but to be genuine about other things
i think my wife is having an affair and have lots of evidence
but she wont admit to it and covers EVERY query well
however as someone else said earlier the big mistake is she forgets her earlier responses and makes up other ones?

[Starfish]

[guest222222]

well first it was an affair-

but now i think she is lying like a trooper
to cover her tracks

[Guest]

[Guest]

[Gel403]

I came across this site and was hoping for some support and understanding. I have been married for almost 6 years and my husband is a compulsive liar. We are in the process of seperating because i can't live with it anymore and i believe he doesn't want to change, how can he, he doesn't realise he's got a problem. He says he loves me, but if he does then why can't he stay and sort things out, why did he have to start out our relationship on lies? He'll never know how much he's hurt me. As i said, the lies started from day one, obviously i didn't know at the time, but over the years i've caught him out hundreds of times. You have to be really clever to lie, afterall you need to rememer what you've said and my husband isn't very clever, either that or i've become clever at finding out about his lies.
The lies he's told are mostly lies about me,that he's told my family and friends (not that i have many) Lies to make me look like some kind of bad person, while making himself look like someone who has a hard life. I suppose i've always known that he was telling stories about me, but it's only been this occassion that i decided that i'd had enough. I don't have a high self esteem and i think that's what he's picked up on and abused it. I can't bear people to not like me ( i know i can't be liked by everyone) and he's used that to gain points against me. I honestly believe that he wanted and expected my family to turn against me as i was some kind of bitch and gave him such a hard life. Unfortunatley for him it didn't work in his favour, but then i've lost out as well, as i've lost the husband i loved so much and would have done anything for. And while i'm writing this i can't hold back the tears any more. Why are there so many people in the world that think it's ok to mess with peoples weaknessess and downfalls. I know i have my own issues and faults, but i'm not a bad person, all i wanted was for the man i love to love me back in the same way.Is that too much to ask for? Instead he threw all my feelings back in my face like they mean nothing to him. That's something else about complusive liars, they are cold people, who show no emotion, certainly my husband.
I feel so alone and although i now know there are lots of others in my position it still makes it hard to get through each day.
Today is the day he's moving out and i really don't know what to expect and where my life is going next. My dream is that he'll realise what he's lost and get the help he needs and come running back to me, but i think deep down i know i'm not important enough to him, to make the changes he needs and so i'm on my own again.

[guest777]

presumably- you would know if you were living with a compulsive liar

OR could they be one and hide things and still tell the truth now and again