Can hospital dictate who is "allowed" as a

[BEV1978]

I wonder if anyone know the legal situation on whether a hospital is allowed to dictate who is allowed as a birth partner??

I live in south east UK and my local hospital has a clear policy that two birthing partners are allowed.

Because of a very difficult experience with a midwife in labour with my first birth (twins) my husband and I would like a second birth partner for extra support.

So we asked if it would be possible to have a friend attend the delivery. We were told this would be totally fine, that we just had to put in the birth plan who it would be and there was no problem. At my last appointment the midwife checked my birth plan which stated that our friend Mark would be the second birth partner and stated that that would not be allowed.

I asked why and reminded her we had been told a friend was fine it didn't have to be a relative. She then quite clearly told me that she had assumed i meant a female friend and that having a male friend present was not allowed, in fact it was an outrageous request.

I am really upset and feel it should be my choice who supports me in labour, i can see the reason that only two people are allowed due to restricted space but why should it matter to them which two people I chose?

I have spoken to the team leader of the midwifer team who told me the same thing, not allowed, totally unheard of for any male other than the father to be present in labour. I asked how many people had requested this and been refused and she admitted no one as no one had asked before.

I don't want to stir up trouble by speaking to the head of midwifery but equally i don't want to be left without the support i need in labour.

All they keep doing is suggesting i chose someone else but there is no one else. I do not have any close female friends or relatives. In fact nearly all of my friends are male, certainly the few close friends i have are all male.

I appreciate most women wouldn't want a man other than their partner present but don't think that i should be discriminated against because I feel differently. If my husband, my friend and myself are totally comfortable with it why should it bother the hospital?

So back to the orignal question does anyone know if they can legally refuse to let my friend enter the delivery room if we want him there??

[joanna3535]

I can understand that the request would be a little odd, having a male friend in with you while you have your legs spread etc, mmm i wouldnt fancy it but then thats your choice.
But how dare they say it is an outrageous request, id put in a complaint to head of midwifrey.
I also live in the south east of england but not sure what our hospital says or does.
I was in with my friend and her partner 9 years ago and that was fine.
If i were you, id kick up a stink and tell them you will have the baby at home where the whole world can watch if they choose to.
I also had a bad time with 2 midwives, 1 was very rude to me and i refused to let her come near me and the other didnt have a clue what she was doing.
You do what you feel is best for you, sod the lot of them, its not up to them.

[BEV1978]

I have considered a home birth but having nearly died having the twins and come close to losing them both too I'm not brave enough.

Mind you the complications were all due to a very rude difficult midwife who refused to believe i was in labour until eventually fully dilated probably for several hours (i was in a lot of pain - which she didnt believe because i wasn't screaming - but only had mild urge to push due to prem babies in odd presentation) and having been refused any pain relief one twins placenta gave up and came away. Thankfully there was a hero of a doctor called on the crash team who broke every rule going to save us all! But it was very messy, painful and extremely traumatic experience. Every person of the 15 that attended the birth came to see us in the days after - and all were amazed that myself and both babies had survived and not suffered any lasting damage, apparently with the level abruption i had most babies and a high percentage of mothers die - the fact i had two baies that survived that was a true miracle. Someone looked after us that night, of that i am sure.

We complained about the midwife and she recieved a supervision order, we were also assured that in any future pregnancy she would not be allowed to come into contact with me at all and I will be allocated 4 midwives i know to form a duty rota to look after me in labour. so i guess they will treat me a lot more carefully this time. But i still feel i need 2 people for support this time, to stop me getting bamboozled by medical staff while i'm vulnerable. I am nervous to complain though having already complained before I dont want to be seen as a troublemaker.

Mind you they now have in big letters on my notes "unusally high pain threshold" so atleast this time when i say i'm in pain but don't scream or show outward signs of pain they should listen. Though i don't feel their note is correct, i think i feel pain just as much as the next person i just don't scream with it. It is hard to explain, i think it comes down to my martial arts background - you learn ways to ignore/cope with pain that would normally have you totally out of control. But its why we chose Mark - he has been my training partner for 8 years (he's seen me in a lot worse situations than childbirth!) and my friend for many more years, and he understands how i handle pain so would be able

1. to help me keep in control
2. to explain to doctors that i really am in pain!

Also he and my husband are really good mates too, so i know i wont have 2 birth partners arguing with one another instead of looking after me!!

[P_1984d]

That's rediculous, why dont you have a home birth? That way you can have who ever you like there?

What if you wanted your father in with you? Would they refuse that, because he's a man?

[st_ignatius110]

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry for the problems you all are having with midwives..that is so horrible!
I had a midwife here in Texas with my first baby. She was wonderful and kind and I will do it the same way the next time. I had mine in a birthing center. I am wondering if maybe here in the states we have more options for midwives! Labor is the most difficult thing we as women will probably ever go through and we need someone kind and supporting to be by our side.

[The-Prophet]

erm thats sexist you know. they're saying woman - yes man - no its not her place to say if a man or a woman is better there or not and really its just not on take mark along with you! thats just terrible erm basically remind her that shes being sexist. i told a teacher she was being sexist once, i got all the boys in the class a 30 minute detention at lunch anyway it was a laugh but stand up for what you want, you only get to do this birth once!

[Guest26]

I'm not to sure about the legal situation of the problem but my best friend is a student midwife and she is so determined to make every mother happy she frequently goes to the highest authority so I really wouldn't be scared to ask. Labour is one of the most frightening things you will ever have to go through and your midwives have a duty to make it as comfortable as possible. Do not be scared to make a complaint, if anything you ought to complain about each midwife that has refused your request. If you get yourself the label of a troublemaker so be it, it might scare the staff into listening to your every demand. If you desperately want your male friend there, have him there, they cannot dictate the sex of the people present, are they not allowed male midwives or doctors there? If I were you i'd get sarcastic and ask what would happen if you had a baby boy, that would be an extra male who is not your husband!!! Seriously, please make a point of having what you want. Any body who tells you otherwise has no right to be practising as a midwife. Good Luck xx

[xXx.Lesley.xXx]

Well after reading your post I asked my midwife if this was allowed in our hospital (I live in North East UK) and she can't see a problem with it at all.

I can't see the problem with it at all. It is you that is in labour, it is you that makes the decisions of who you have with you while in the delivery room.

Have you spoke with hte hospital itsself of just your own midwife? you should seek advice from someone who is higher up in the hospital, no just the midwife team.

[P_1984d]

If I was you I would change hospital. Are they gonna dictate who visits you as well? Or what medication / pain relief you use?

[xXx.Lesley.xXx]

If I was you I would change hospital. Are they gonna dictate who visits you as well? Or what medication / pain relief you use?

When my brothers daughter was born I wasn't allowed in to visit cos I wasn't the mothers family. It sounds so pathetic but thinking about it I like that idea. They do allow the grandparents in but noone else.

When I had my 1st baby I wanted noone to come in and visit except my mum and partner but I got everyone on the first day. I was shattered and wanted to relax.

Also there is a shortage on Diamorphine so very few hospitals will offer you that. I asked for that in my birth plan with my 2nd baby but they told me as soon as I got into hospital that I couldn't have it. It was Pethadine or an Epodural and of course gas and air.

It is your labour, they should do anything possible to make it special for you and if that involves having a male friend with you then they should.