Curious wife

deskcaddy · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 29 Dec 2007 Posts: 17

I would really like to get a woman’s view on this issue.
We have been happily married for nearly 30 years and have a good sex life. However recently my wife has said that she wonders what sex is like with another man. I am the only man that she has been with.
I suggested that she should ask some of her friends that have had other partners for their advice. She said that she has already asked and has been told different thing by different friends, from very similar to totally different.
She has been raising this question more and more frequently, and after I had thought about this for some time I told her that if she really needed to get this out of her system I would be ok with her going with another guy as long as she tells me.
What I want to know I suppose is have I done the right thing? I would rather this situation had not arisen at all as we are very happy and contented or so I thought.
Any help or advice would be appreciated, this is not something I can talk to my mates about!

Christo · Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 3:58 pm Post subject:

I know you wanted to get a woman's perspective, but here is my two cents.

No wife of mine will be running off having sex with other men. You can take that to the bank. I suppose that, from a certain moral perspective, it is better for her to do it and be open with you, rather can carry on regardless, and in secrecy. Nevertheless, relationships are about commitment. Sure she wonders "what it would be like". But this applies not just to sex, but to everything. Everytime you make one decision, you cut off other possibilities. If you buy one car over another, etc.. If you order steak for dinner, you wonder if the sea bass would've been nicer....

Tell her that if she wants to try it out so badly, then she must be prepared to accept the consequences. If she does, say you'll walk out.

That, at least, is what I would do.

And before any smart asses say that my approach stems from insecurity, that is absolute garbage. Few men are as emotionally secure as I am. Nevertheless, I still feel this way about this issue.

Fred75 · FemaleFirst Guru Joined: 04 Oct 2007 Posts: 7852

Tina TV · Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 6:42 pm Post subject:

Well after two unfriendly male responses I hope you you don't mind reading a third male response.

After a marriage of nearly 25 years and a relationship approaching 30 I can say that a little bit of experimentation with other couples has done our marriage no harm at all.

I think it is important that you are all open about what you are doing and that every one is happy about it. If anyone is unhappy or has doubts then you all need to sit down and talk about it further. This is not something to rush into.

We were happier doing things together under one roof, I'm not sure how happy I'd be if my wife went out on an encounter on her own or with someone I hadn't met. So far we've played in the same room or at least within earshot of each other, and partners have always been people we both like and trust.

Talk to her and make sure you each know exactly how you both feel. After 30 years of marriage you should be able to spare the time to understand each other.

Good luck.

Christo · Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 6:51 pm Post subject:

Bollocks! Absolute bollocks!

Look Tina TV, I really don't wish to be insensitive... if you are a tranny, I don't mean to insult all alternative lifestyles with a complete lack of understanding or respect.

But come on! What is civilization coming to? I'm a pretty liberal guy, and frankly if people want to swing or do whatever they want, i think they should be free to do so. I certainly won't be running about judging them or wanting them prosecuted...

But surely a married relationship should be monogamous and sacred! What does marriage mean if this is not so? I'll tell you what - nothing!

Don't you think I get curious sometimes and wonder what it would be like to go with another girl? The problem is more acute for me, considering I get offers literally all the time. But out of loyalty to my girl, I wouldn't follow through on any of it. Have we lost the ability to make any sacrifice at all in our lives?

And I bet you dress it up as some sort of "advance for civilization", some "sexual emancipation".. pure drivel, i'm sorry...

Maisie26 · You Go Girl (100+ Posts) Joined: 26 Oct 2005 Posts: 191

My BF and I once had an encounter with an older couple who relayed to us how they started adding partners to their sex life. The man, was over 50, had started losing his sex drive, and the wife, to spice it up, started asking about him, while having sex, about what it would be like with other women. This apparently helped a bit.

Around that time, she was on a trip with a girlfriend who had been widowed years earlier, who at one point mentioned that she though her husband was still looking pretty good for his age, and how she missed the male companionship, even though she had no interest in getting into another relationship. So one thing led to another, the woman mentioned it to her husband, who thought it was a joke, and then what started as a joke became a semi-regular occurance. We came upon them through a mutual aquaintance who put us together because we mentioned that we would be curios about trying it with an older couple. while the experience was fine, we decided it wasn't for us.

As for what it was like, this couple told us they had been married almost 30 years before this happened, and had never had sex with anyone else before. They went from have less and less enjoyable sex, to having a bit more frequent sex, but enjoying it much more, especially, and including when it was just the two of them. You post just reminded me of that. Thanks.

splinkygb · Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 7:50 am Post subject:

I say let her try it.

I suspect she will become a very sexy woman as a result! Twisted Evil

sally wey · Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 5:51 pm Post subject: Re: Curious wife

wildchild · Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 1:01 pm Post subject: Re: Curious wife

deskcaddy · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 29 Dec 2007 Posts: 17

Yes i did post this question before and the thread was remove by the moderator who suggested tha i ask the question again. Anne-41 did give me her opinion. Which was not really what I wanted to hear, I would have prefered this whole issue did not crop up.

I'm trying to find out a womans view on the matter have I done the right thing essentially telling her to go and have sex with someone else. She said that she will think about going for it. [/list]

ZiaAries · Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 8:05 pm Post subject:

Mr A · Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 9:04 pm Post subject:

what became of her?

I miss the Avatars Crying or Very sad

Cambridge · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 3:47 am Post subject:

Have I heard this thread before? What…you ask for advice but you don’t want it? Forgive me for going against the trend of free-sex and unconfined sexually transmitted diseases, but I couldn’t agree with zia more.

Someone has to stick up for the marriage bed, and I guess I'm that guy. Don’t let anyone into the marriage bed, or expect an 80-20 chance to be single within the next year.

deskcaddy · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 29 Dec 2007 Posts: 17

I never said i didnt need advice on this any more and the original thread was removed I assume as it seemed to get taken over by Anne-41. I really would appreciate some help and advice on this.

tobinfest · Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 9:46 am Post subject:

Don't do it or let it happen. Work harder on your relationship. Take it up a notch, perhaps and fill any voids.
No offense intended and good luck.