Does a potential husband have a right to know?

[elainefr]

yes if the woman had an abortion she should tell
yes if the man helped or payed for it or if he did not agreehe should tell
there shoud be no lies

[Salsito]

ummm. Its the womens body and what happened in the past is neither a secret or a lie.

It would be a lie however if the man asked have you had an abortion and she answered no when in fact she had.

We all have skeletons in our cupboards, not divulging every single thing that has happened to us in a previous life is not a bad thing.

If I were in the situation of looking for a partner, I certainly wouldnt be thinking I wonder if she has had an abortion, if I were the women I would be thinking why is it important that you need to know?

[Cambridge]

ummm. Its the womens body and what happened in the past is neither a secret or a lie.

It would be a lie however if the man asked have you had an abortion and she answered no when in fact she had.

We all have skeletons in our cupboards, not divulging every single thing that has happened to us in a previous life is not a bad thing.

If I were in the situation of looking for a partner, I certainly wouldnt be thinking I wonder if she has had an abortion, if I were the women I would be thinking why is it important that you need to know?

If you don't have open communication, you don't have a partnership. The sin is in calling them "Skeletons" and dismissing the discussion accordingly. Talk and reveal. That is what makes for strong bonds.

[Salsito]

ummm. Its the womens body and what happened in the past is neither a secret or a lie.

It would be a lie however if the man asked have you had an abortion and she answered no when in fact she had.

We all have skeletons in our cupboards, not divulging every single thing that has happened to us in a previous life is not a bad thing.

If I were in the situation of looking for a partner, I certainly wouldnt be thinking I wonder if she has had an abortion, if I were the women I would be thinking why is it important that you need to know?

If you don't have open communication, you don't have a partnership. The sin is in calling them "Skeletons" and dismissing the discussion accordingly. Talk and reveal. That is what makes for strong bonds.

I think that is where we disagree, I know abortion is an emotive subject, but what happened in the past is exactly that, in the past. A relationship is built on the now and the future, whereas the past makes a person who they are.

I think the question I would ask is why would you want/need to know?

[Polgara69]

Have to agree with Salsito on this one. You dont need to go into every little thing you have done in the past with new partners. Yes, if they ask because they have reason to believe it then you shouldnt lie. I think the only reason a woman should bring it up is if it is likely to have an effect on her ability to have children. Then her partner has a right to know. But do you all honestly tell your partner everything you have done? I certainly dont and nobody really wants to hear about ex's with a new partner and they would get brought into it. No, keep quiet!

[Sharon den Adel]

No, they do not have the right to know. What the woman has done in the past is her business, and her partner has no right to know.
He could be raging pro lifer for all she knows, so it's best he knows nothing about something which has nothing to do with him.

[tobinfest]

Fred,
I am a guy, but, as a current dating woman, I would wonder why this question would arise. I think it would concern me that I might be getting involved with a control freak of sorts who needs to know everything, including my past, perhaps long before we ever hooked up. Depending on how you felt about abortion (you are the one asking about this in my past), I could only imagine that this might be thrown back on me in the future.
I do not like to see abortion used as a means of birth control (studies indicated that the majority of women who have had an abortion have had more than one). I am reasonably pro-life, but I do not see the absolute need of bringing severely handicapped or brain dead children into the world. We now have the technology to detect these maladies.
My two cents.

[Fred75]

ummm. Its the womens body and what happened in the past is neither a secret or a lie.

It would be a lie however if the man asked have you had an abortion and she answered no when in fact she had.

We all have skeletons in our cupboards, not divulging every single thing that has happened to us in a previous life is not a bad thing.

If I were in the situation of looking for a partner, I certainly wouldnt be thinking I wonder if she has had an abortion, if I were the women I would be thinking why is it important that you need to know?

If you don't have open communication, you don't have a partnership. The sin is in calling them "Skeletons" and dismissing the discussion accordingly. Talk and reveal. That is what makes for strong bonds.

I think that is where we disagree, I know abortion is an emotive subject, but what happened in the past is exactly that, in the past. A relationship is built on the now and the future, whereas the past makes a person who they are.

I think the question I would ask is why would you want/need to know?

BUT is an interesting word.
It DELETES the words before it.
In this case... the reason of emotion in the regard to what a man needs to know on how a potential wife values other life.
Can it be flushed down the sink?
Is she remorseful?

All ultimately add up to whether or not the woman is suitable to have his children. And to her character.
A man that has strong emotions about abortion is certainly not going to want to marry a woman that teaches her daughters that life is disposable and can be flushed down the sink.
That would be contrary to his belief's.

Is that a suitable enough REASON for you?

[minigirl]

Fred, I said if he supported the abortion. There are men that don't want to be fathers and they ask and want the woman to get a abortion or they say they will not be forced to be a father. Now Fred, answer my question about 2-way honesty and revealing past decisions like abortion. Does he not owe her the same disclosure that she owes him?????

Yes and no.
Yes if he feels he needs to be honest. I can see your position.
No, because he is not the one that actually committed the act.

but chances are he would have played a part in the decision to have the abortion (assuming he had enough balls to stick around for a while that is....), so i think zia's point is a valid one.

[Fred75]

Fred, I said if he supported the abortion. There are men that don't want to be fathers and they ask and want the woman to get a abortion or they say they will not be forced to be a father. Now Fred, answer my question about 2-way honesty and revealing past decisions like abortion. Does he not owe her the same disclosure that she owes him?????

Yes and no.
Yes if he feels he needs to be honest. I can see your position.
No, because he is not the one that actually committed the act.

but chances are he would have played a part in the decision to have the abortion (assuming he had enough balls to stick around for a while that is....), so i think zia's point is a valid one.

No.
Feminazi's teach that women make ALL the decisions on what happens to their body's!

[coolman]

But this begs the question: does a man, who got a woman pregnant, who then had an abortion, have an obligation to tell a potential wife?

My ex-gf got an abortion without my knowledge after I had recently broken up with her. She then told me about a year later, when we got back together. I don't agree with abortion for me and my family, yet feel this is a personal decision, so I'm so glad that she didn't tell me. We were 16 yrs. old, so certainly the best decision for us, but one that I could have never made. . . since it certainly wasn't the best decision for the baby.

I didn't feel a need to tell my wife, but did anyway.

As to whether one (male or female) should disclose this to his/her partner or not: if you feel comfortable with disclosing this information, go for it. Nobody should have to reveal his/her entire past, however. We all have skeletons in the closet and many are best left there. I think that is a personal decision and the partner has no "right" to this information.

[Cambridge]

This is one of those competing ethics questions you frequently read about in Dear Abby. Sometimes she’ll say, if you didn’t reveal something you are a heel. Other times she’ll say, your past is none of his/her business. I think the ethic is one for you and you alone to decide. Sometimes you believe your spouse has a right to know; sometimes you think it is none of his or her business. But you’d better be sure about what your spouse thinks also; if you get it wrong, you could be in for a lot of trouble.

[ZiaAries]

I don't keep skeletons in my closet but I think it is okay to have a bone or two that is tucked away for save keeping.

[coolman]

I don't keep skeletons in my closet but I think it is okay to have a bone or two that is tucked away for save keeping.

Lucky you, I've got a cemetary.

[ZiaAries]