Joined: 14 Dec 2006 Posts: 7954 Location: West Country
Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 9:25 am Post subject:
If you've only been on a few dates, it shouldn't be that difficult to just say "thanks but no thanks", don't let things drift on.
I tried to let a guy down gently once, but he sed he loved me & stuff & started sending flowers to my work, it was a nightmare, if i had just told him straight out it wasn't working, to his face, it would have been so much better.
Joined: 26 Sep 2006 Posts: 1386 Location: All over the freaking place
Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:13 pm Post subject:
if most guys are honest they have dated a girl who has dumped them after a few dates....And sometimes you are not ready to be dumped and you think that perhaps it was something you said or did that suddenly changed things for the worst.
I think back to when I was 16 and I was dumped and boy I tried to get her to change her mind. I sent her poems, flowers, I rang her and made excuses why I hung out where she would be godddddd lol I cringe when I look back at that......but then time passes and we all move on. I must have really pissed her off for a while though.
So when your dumped sometimes you send the flowers or seek an explanation so you can try and retrieve something you wasnt ready to give up on. As a guy we say and promise anything in order to try and recapture the spark that drew you to us in the first place.
Panic sets in, commonsense goes out the window. We are not ready to be dumped yet, we had so many things we wanted to share with you, plans for days out and my mates envy me because im dating you and they all fancy you like mad......and now you have ended it before all these romantic ideas (that I know you would like) could be put into action.
There is no way to deal with this guy but to walk away. Make that call - Why should you have to face him? Tell him its over and that nothing he says will change things. Accept the fact that no matter what you say or do he is going to be hurt but its not something you are responsible for - Hurting people and getting hurt is all part of relationships.
Very rare is it that, when a relationship ends after only a short while, both are happy to move on. One of you wants it to continue, one of you is more in love than the other - That is just human nature.
If he persists then get a guy you know to ring him and without being aggressive or threatening - let him tell the guy that he's your new boyfriend and that he wants him to leave you alone.
Dont use the ''I just want us to be friends'' You cant be - You moved up a level and all you will do is make him think that sometime in the future he has a chance to rekindle something that for you is well and truely over.
Change your routine if need be and block his calls. Your not being a wimp by letting him know by phone that it REALLY isnt going to work - By meeting face to face and telling him you are in effect arranging a date, to you a final one that is going to lat minutes, but to him an opportunity to plead and prey on any emotional weakness you may have.
I am sure many girls on here have been in the situation where they have gone to meet a guy and ended up NOT dumping him because they felt sorry for him and didnt feel they could hurt him - Then they get home and think ''Jeesh what on earth have I done tonite, I wanted to end it and STILL do but instead I have made things worse''
You know what you want to do and be firm about it - You may cause him short term pain but life DOES move on and in time he will get over it no matter how much in love he thinks he is with you
Joined: 14 Dec 2006 Posts: 7954 Location: West Country
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:04 am Post subject:
AussieAdam wrote:
I am sure many girls on here have been in the situation where they have gone to meet a guy and ended up NOT dumping him because they felt sorry for him and didnt feel they could hurt him - Then they get home and think ''Jeesh what on earth have I done tonite, I wanted to end it and STILL do but instead I have made things worse''
You know what you want to do and be firm about it - You may cause him short term pain but life DOES move on and in time he will get over it no matter how much in love he thinks he is with you
You are very wise AA, i've done that, but i now remember the phrase "cruel to be kind" in that situation.
If I'm not interested, when she asks me to kiss her good night at her front door, I just say, “No, I don’t care to.” She usually gets the message. A momentary discomfiture is superior to weeks of not calling.
Course this is from a guy’s perspective. I donno from a woman’s perspective. But maybe you can figure out something similar.
Joined: 14 Jan 2006 Posts: 13308 Location: United States of America
Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 2:42 am Post subject:
Cambridge wrote:
If I'm not interested, when she asks me to kiss her good night at her front door, I just say, “No, I don’t care to.” She usually gets the message. A momentary discomfiture is superior to weeks of not calling.
Course this is from a guy’s perspective. I donno from a woman’s perspective. But maybe you can figure out something similar.
:
Huh?
She ask you to kiss her at the door? Whether a guy or girl, I say stick your hand out to shake her or his hand (in a business-like fashion) at the end of the evening. It works every time. They won't be calling back. I learned that trick as a teen when I didn't want to be kissed or invited out by them again.
If I'm not interested, when she asks me to kiss her good night at her front door, I just say, “No, I don’t care to.” She usually gets the message. A momentary discomfiture is superior to weeks of not calling.
Course this is from a guy’s perspective. I donno from a woman’s perspective. But maybe you can figure out something similar.
:
Huh?
She ask you to kiss her at the door? Whether a guy or girl, I say stick your hand out to shake her or his hand (in a business-like fashion) at the end of the evening. It works every time. They won't be calling back. I learned that trick as a teen when I didn't want to be kissed or invited out by them again.
We’re making the same point, zia. I'm just a little less subtle than you. I say what I mean…I don’t use hand signals. Saying “I don’t care to kiss you” is clear and unequivocal: I have no desire for you. It’s a minute of hurt, but a world of realization. Like a hypodermic needle, it’s over in a second.
Next day: I see what you are saying (“Huh?”). Without prejudging, I would guess you are young, zia. Let me explain. When a woman’s “ten good years” are up, some changes take place. One, they don’t let a single guy out of their sight without trying to take a bite, unless the guy is clubfooted or drools. Two, what is the same thing, the balance between the sexes switches.
No doubt I am old by your standards, but I wouldn’t trade places with a guy your age for anything in the world. The tables turned, there are just too many prospects over here. Under these circumstances, a lot of woman ask a man my age to kiss them after a date…hoping it is a prelude to a relationship. Hence, I can be so forthright.
Site Map
FAQ
Usergroups
Search
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
Register
My Profile Space
Whether a guy or girl, I say stick your hand out to shake her or his hand (in a business-like fashion) at the end of the evening. It works every time. They won't be calling back. I learned that trick as a teen when I didn't want to be kissed or invited out by them again. 
Under these circumstances, a lot of woman ask a man my age to kiss them after a date…hoping it is a prelude to a relationship. Hence, I can be so forthright.