Advice please,

[new-girl]

Hi all,

Having enjoyed sitting on the sidelines reading your posts (some are pretty hot stuff!! ) I've finally bit the bullet to post for some advice.

This is where I'm at....

Many moons ago, it seems, I explored my sexuality and 5 girlfriends later felt the time was right to come out. My parents gave me an ultimatum to fit in with their homophobic ideologies or say goodbye...I wasn't strong enough to say goodbye.....

We fastforward now to 14 years later....

I'm unhappily married with two wonderful kids....

My true feelings never went away, I just fantasised about how it could be.

A new teacher has started at my son's school, after several weeks of uncomfortable friendlies, our eyes met, you know that feeling. Now she's real chatty, smiley, I'm like a star struck school girl..what I do know is that this woman has made me feel alive again.

What do I do!!!!!!!??????

Stay put and continue to prostitute myself, say something to the teacher, ring some gay helpline??

I want to leave but I am so afraid, not just for me, but I have two kids to think about too.

Advice please.

[Goya]

Hello,
I am a man, and maybe can give you advice as men most of the time have to break the ice and risk loosing a friend or a situation. I would not call a help line. What I would do is to invite the teacher for tea or a drink and discuss with her when the moment is right as she can be very much trusted by you.
You say at times when you see a woman, you feel like touching her and it seems it would give you satisfaction. Different parts of girls attract you. This is a new feeling and you do not know what to to do and what it is. But what you like to do is to touch a very trusted lady say just holding hand and to see if any feeling is there or not. She might offer her hands or advise you. You just need to see. But this is a situation that either could enter into something or you could come out of it without leaving any hard feelings with her.

I suggest you go ahead as above, be strong, it is a feeling that you can not change and after 14 years it is with you. If it works it may make you a very happy woman

[kathywets]

Dear New-Girl

Hmm, giving advice to someone in your situation is, to say the least, not a simple issue. And for many reasons.

Only you know yourself, or put in another way - you know yourself best, know how much/little you love your husband and so on. And as you say yourself - then there is the kids.

That said, personally I have always found it important to be true to oneself, to be honest and to try to live life as honestly and fully as possible. If you truly are lesbian, it seems to me that to some extent you are living a lie, both to your family and to yourself.

I know women who have a similar history as you and who "broke" out. They have never regretted it, but it was hard at times, particularly where kids were involved. Luckily they lived in an open-minded environment and was not exposed to ridicule or prejudice and gradually all parties involved lived happy lives - as the saying goes: What does not break you only make you stronger.

I am not a mother and will not pretend to know all about kids. I am an aunt, but I know - it is not quite the same
However, I dare say that it need not be a "disaster" for the kids if you leave your husband in order to find your true self. Children sense things easily and maybe will not an unhappy mother be any better than a lesbian but happy mother?
Besides, children grow older and finally they move out to make their own lives - having a mother who has been honest and true may give them strength to dare to be themselves and follow their conscience when they are put in front of serious choices and crossroads.

Another aspect is that if your feelings are towards women in general, the teacher in particular, and your husband does not have your heart, maybe even have never quite had it, it will, in my view, be more honest and fair towards him to "set him free" and give him a chance to find someone who will love him in the same way as you love women/the teacher.

Maybe - but what do I know. Again - this is one of those decisions where you are very alone and were you will not know until afterwards if it was right. Guess I would have thought about what would be the worst in the long run.
However, you can rest assured that I would have supported you in your choice regardless of what you did. I may not have agreed, but I would have known how difficult life is and supported you

And maybe it would be a good idea to do as Goya suggests - to become closer with the teacher, see if you two hit it off and where it takes you. Maybe it isn`t as you thought, or maybe she is your one true love. Should it be the first, well, then you don´t have to worry any more. And should it be the latter, well, then you will at least be two about it (but of course, that is when you really have to make a choice. On the other hand - should she happen to be your true love, the choice may come easily to you).

Just my thoughts on a difficult issue (although maybe not so many answers) -
hugs,
Kathy

[MaxtheGaul]

You know, as a guy, I would be completely shattered if my wife left me for a woman. I would much rather she talked to me about it and we worked out an arrangement that suited us both and took care of the kids.

[cosmicB]

If you two have a little chemistry.. that's probably all it is.. but if you feel there's more, then why not just forget about making it a sexual friendship, and make it just good buds, like out for pizza, or a show, or talking about kids at a pub... If the equation is there for more to happen, it'll probably happen... take your time, and be honest...

[LilJulie]

Be careful though, she is still your child's teacher and any relationship might be awkward for everyone. Personally, I would have found it strange if my mother was seeing one of my old teachers. All that said, you gotta follow your heart sometimes. Good luck to you.

[cosmicB]

Ohh Yeah!.. LJ definitely has it Right!.. Best you just forget the teacher all together... Make just one tiny mistake with that teracher, and that teacher will target your kid with a psychotic adult's great powerful hate vendetta, thereby destroying your child's education and life...
I know how that feels like... School did that to me... They even tried to have me murdered on many occasion... Just leave it alone.. It's too Hot for you and your kid... It would be like wiggling your toes in Hell...
Better to buy a Female First state of the art Pussy vibrator, and stay away from your kid's teachers, except to chat with them about your kid's progress, and to compliment them on the good work they are doing with your kid, whether they are or aren't...

I'll give you an idea and feel for how much control teachers have over your kid's lives... In grade 1, I asked the teacher, after she had read from the bible.. "If we are supposed to send our hate to the devils.. and if the devils eat hate.. then aren't we feeding them? And I don 't know how to hate.. Can you teach me how to hate, so I can send my hate to the devils too?"...

When the nun principle heard that I had said that, she targeted me with her extreme hates... My mum visited that nun, and told her to stop picking on me.. a bad mistake!.. The asshole evil nun made my life living hell at school from then on... She followed me through three schools as principle... She paid the schoolyard bully five bucks, and a bag of candy, to beat me up in the school yard... She hired a huge gorilla to try to murder me on several occasions... In grade five or six, on the first day of school, the teacher at request of that nun, directed me to a desk, in which the nun had placed three different cat poops, a tattered bible, and had scratched the words, "the sinner shall be punished!", and had placed ten peed upon tacks on the seat of the chair... Seems my little question totally undermined the nun's belief structure, and now she had to exterminate me... Don't mess with your children's teachers.. one of them might be insane... HaH! All of them might be insane...

[sexysally]

Hired a huge gorilla to murder you????

Have you been drinking?

[cosmicB]

[quote="sexysally"]Hired a huge gorilla to murder you????

Have you been drinking? :? :lol:[/quote]


No hun, I don't consume alcohol... I quit booze about eleven years ago...

I meant "gorilla", in quotes... This huge fellow made buds with me in elementary school... His games were extremely dangerous, but fun and exciting... I never realized his games were him setting me up for fatal accidents, till one day I discovered that three of his little buddies, just like me, had recently died in his accidents.. And the day he detailed how his third victim died, and how he had set up the accident, and how he drooled profusely when he reminisced the accident and detailed the kid's death.. is when he asked me, "Why does sister have a list of kids she wants dead.. and why would you be on her list, if there was a list?".. It took me a long time sorting out his data... Eventually I realized the guy was a serial killer hired by the nun... Several years later that guy moved to Toronto, and suddenly a lot of hooker's corpses were found dumped in the countryside during the next couple years... The hooker murders stopped when that fellow moved from Toronto to Turkey, and a couple months later they had a big war... I refer to him as a "gorilla"...

[Goya]

I would agree with Kathy, but you shold never "lable" yourself as lesbian. Not now. Wlak in a gray area for a while, no one should know now. You have a feeling and best is to give it a try genly. Maybe you discover that the feeling has been with you for 14 years has gone away. Give it a try with a trusted person. But unfortunately you have to take the first step.

Your hidden feeling has waken-up. See what it wants before jumping to any conclusion and do not lable yourself as lesbian.

Is it possible to give us a little feed back? Thanks

[kathywets]

Good points, Goya

When in doubt, or just curious to find out, small steps may be wise. And remember, New-Girl, that it is up to you when/where or if you want to come out of the closet. You can be true to yourself without necessarily telling all the world.

I have thought of you too, New-Girl - how are you doing?

All the best,
Kathy

[cosmicB]

Why not just visit lesbian night clubs, occasionally... And meet with and chat with, and kiss with, gentle ladies who love ladies... Explain to those you meet, that you are curious, shy, and prefer to go it real slow and cautious, and sensual as can be, in experiencing all the love the world has to offer...

I find it difficult to grasp the title "lesbian", when I know that it means "Women who love Women"... It reads to me as "WWLW", nothing more...
I see the Women who Love Women Culture as Pure, Immaculate, and Proper as proper gets... I suppose it has it bad points within subcultures, but don't break my bubble, I really don't want to know it.. I like it how I sees it.. I feels good about how I sees it...

I just figure, if you wants to embrace a woman, then embrace a woman... There's probably a few around who would welcome the opportunity to make love with you...

[noodles]

whilst i wouldnt want to term anyone gay (thats for them to do) it sounds as though the path you've chosen in life has been as much if not more for others as it has been for you.

i have to agree with the guy (cant remember who it was sorry) that said hed be devestated if his wife was to leave him for someone else. id say the first port of call here is with honesty to yourself and then to him?

there are also kids involved and hedonism isnt really the best here imo - although it may be very tempting.

your feelings arnt new - you know exactly what they are and how important they are. if you decide they are that important then maybe a new path is in order (with or without a gf)?

i really feel for you and truly want you to be happy - just becareful how you go about it. a family isnt something to be taken lightly, even if the end result is seperating it.

a mess is one thing - a mess made 10 times the size cause you've not thought about others is extrememly hard to fix.

respect those you care about in a way youd want to be respected.
if your husband was thinking the same way about other men how would you want him to treat you and the kids. would you wanna know, would you want him to talk to you? When you work that out do the same. You cant respect the kids properly if you're lying and decieving him.

I dont believe from your post that this is just about sex - its about feelings - much more harmful and therefore respect with all involved is paramount.

[cosmicB]

Off the top, just grabbing at straws here.. could part of your need be that you didn't get any fulfilling love from your mum..? Maybe you only need a solid female figure to cuddle with, to get you through something you should have been given when you were little... If that's part of it, then maybe just start hugging all the females in your life, just to determine if that helps a tiny bit... I think you needs a good female friend whom you can trust with your life... I think you just needs a good female buddy who will hold you close all night.. someone tender and gentle and understanding, who is just like you...

It's like when I met a young lass who had just been raped when she foolishly took a stroll in a back lane near the west coast docks... Two "gorillas" grabbed her...
While I walked with her, I convinced her that she definitely did not want to spend the night alone... It happened that her husband was a thousand miles away on business, and she had no one to stay with her.. so I offered... At home, I had her take a shower, then we cuddled close as cuddles gets, the whole night, with me as tight and close as I could behind her, with as much of my skin touching as much of her skin as I could manage.. and fell asleep that way, after me gently caressing velvet and silk touch, for hours and hours, till I passed out from exhaustion...
She woke with a huge smile and a big stretch...

I think we need that closeness.. just honest friendly closeness sometimes, to make us feel whole once in a while... Something that brings the fragments all together as one you again...

I wonder if could be a service, without getting tangled up in sex and legal crap..? "huggers for hire"...

Me thinks you just need lots warm tender honest hugs.. not a sex change...

[Kyuubi]