In desperate need of advice...

fuzzylogic · Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:58 am Post subject: In desperate need of advice...

I'm in a long term relationship which has suddenly gone sour. My boyfriend, who by his own admission has no reason not to be in love with me, is having commitment issues and thinks we should split up. I'm hopelessly in love with him and it's killing me that he feels this way. Any advice?? Sad

SukiSoo · Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:18 am Post subject:

Oh honey I feel for you I really do. When one partner wants to split up, there isnt much you can do but to go along with it. A main problem with long term relationships is people stay because they have been together so long, it seems natural. Many people stay together and cheat for this reason - its easier than ending it. At least he has been honest with you - do you mind me asking how old you are? Maybe a short break would do you good - a month off, and then meet up to see if you feel any different? Many people do this, and it is often successful. If he wants the relationship to end, then it will. It is heartbreaking though when you're not the one who wants it to end - I have been there along with many other people - but after some time it gets better. I thought I would never find love again, and I did, and it was so much better than before. Sounds like you're just going to have to accept it, no matter how much you dont want to. Harsh I know, but thats life. You're going to have to use this as practice because you will face much more distressing issues as you get older x Take care, let me know how you are x

fuzzylogic · Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 3:03 am Post subject:

I'm 26 and he's 23. I think this may be the root of our problems. He's going through things that I've already dealt with. I've loved and lost before, this isn't the first time. He's actually the one who made me realize that it was okay to open up again. I'm not sure if a month off would help us or not. He says he's afraid that by doing this I'll find someone new, but at the same time he hopes that I do find somebody. I don't know. This whole thing just doesn't feel right to me. We've decided to spend Valentine's Day together inspite of our situation. I guess it remains to be seen whether this will be a good idea or not. Wish me luck.

Harry · Guest

It may be the age gap, but it's not a big one. Maybe it's more that you are really thinking of this as a permanent relationship (if you've had a breakup or two before that you didn't want to happen you may particularly want the security of this). He may not be ready for the settling down thing and even if you have tried not to pressure him, he may be feeling pressure and wanting more space. I think you need to try to talk about it and be totally honest about what you feel.

Good luck with today Very Happy