Why fat women?

[Russ T Bitz]

There's no way of asking this question without making myself sound like a completely shallow sack of sh*t which certainly isn't my intention.

Why do I only ever get attention from big women?

Let me stress first of all that many blokes find that attractive and being overweight does not make someone a bad person.

It's just that in a happy relationship I need to be sexually attracted to a woman and I just am not attracted to women of the size who seem to be the only ones who show interest in me. By the way, I'm not talking about those who are maybe a stone overweight or anything like that. The only women who ever show interest are always a size 18+.

I know a lot of women will criticise me for this but I won't make any apologies for it: I cannot control what I do and do not find attractive. The women who have shown interest have all been very nice people but I cannot rely on that in a relationship.

When I'm out on the weekends, slimmer women NEVER give me *that* look (I'm talking about the look that people give you when they like you - you know what it's like, they stare at you for a split second longer than they should), it only ever comes from larger women.

I've signed up for _ dating sites before - the only responses I get are from large women. Again, size 18+.

I signed up for a telephone dating service. 4 women got in touch. They were all big.

It's not as if I find slimmer women intimidating or anything like that, or feel like I can't approach them. It's just they never ever look at me twice. I know this sounds daft, but it's like the bigger women see something that slimmer women don't.

They say we attract people who are around our own level of atractiveness. Well that's fine but I'm certainly not what anyone would call 'big'.

And while I'm on the subject, by 'slimmer women', I'm not talking about skinny types. I certainly don't find a 'model' size 8 to 10 attractive at all. Ideally, I'd like perhaps a 10 to 12.

I know, I know, you'll say I'm placing too much reliance on looks, but unfortunately it plays a big part in relationships for me. As I said, I won't apologise for something I have no control over. However, personality and intelligence play a very large part in it for me.

Anyway, I hope I have not offended anyone with this, it's just something which has been bothering me for ages and seeing as there seems to be lots of intelligent people on this site, I'm hoping you guys might be able to come up with some possible explanations for me!

[Sandy]

Well there could be lots of reasons; if you have a real close female friend you could ask for her totally honest opinion as to how you come across in the looks department. If she didn’t know you and took you on face value only what would she see. Of course don’t do this if you are going to get offended in any way but often what we perceive yourself to be, is not how others see us.

You say you’re not big yourself but are you skinny, lean, bulky, at bit tubby or out right overweight.
Perhaps you look very young or boyish or are very short and maybe look like you want mothering.
Or perhaps you look very easy going and “safe” remember big women often have an enormous amount of knock backs and can suffer confidence problems, perhaps you look like a really approachable nice person and if so you should take that as a compliment.
Or perhaps you look a bit lonely and the people you attract are other lonely people too, after all there is safely in numbers.
Perhaps you look desperate or “on the search” and so the slim women don’t want to know (desperation is a huge turn off).

Just bounding ideas here, but only you can have a good look at yourself and see what the answers might be

Make friends with these women, I’m sure they have friends of all shapes and sizes that you could check out.

[Russ T Bitz]

Hey thanks for the reply.

I'm under no illusions - I'm no Jude Law. But then again, I don't think I scare little children or anything. I think I'm about average. But these large women, they're not what you'd call ugly; on the contrary, some have been quite pretty. About my build - again, I'd say I'm average. I'm 6'1" and around 13 and a half stone. I have a bit of a belly but everyone says it's not noticeable. I have a very close female friend and she's told me that unless I draw attention to it, no-one will notice.

Whether or not I'm lonely or come across as desperate (neither of which I feel apply to me) doesn't really account for why the only ones to give me 'that look' (apologies for such a crude expression) are large.....

Young/boyish/short/need mothering...? Nope, I'm 30, shaved head, 6'1" and fairly idependant!


Once again thanks for the reply. Once I've worked out how to use this forum, I'll post a picture here and see what you think

[LaFem]

I don't think you're being discriminative at all... if it's not what you find attractive, then you have every right to not appologise.

That said though, it's hard to say why only big women pay attention to you. Maybe you are focusing too much on the thought that there is a pattern there, and perhaps not allowing for the possibility that thinner women are looking at you in the same way? I.e. you've got your mind set on that now that you've noticed it, it's all you're noticing??
Or maybe you need to just have plenty of confidence and go after the women you find attractive. Don't worry so much about who's going after you, you have just as much opportunity to go after those you like!!!

Probably not much help, but it's quite a strange problem Well, good luck.

[Sammy13]

no you see its not the size or looks that matter your just a jackass, if you got to know one of the girls maybe you would be interisted instead of being a jerk and judging them on there size.... if you had kids you would tell them dont look and judge someone on there appearance, cause why is it always oh shes fat i dont like her or oh hes fat i dont want him.. why do people alwas JUDGE ON LOOKS... GET TO KNOW THEM FIRST THEN SEE IF YOU REALLY LIKE THEM INSTEAD OF BEING STUPID it may be your real chance of being in love with someone EVEN IF THEY ARE FAT OR UGLY your just stupid

[Russ T Bitz]

There's ALWAYS one isn't there.....

[Sammy13]

yes there is because its wrong to judge a women or man by the way they dress the way they act look etc. you should think and actually talk to these women and get to know them and if your not gonna be nice enough to do that either dont go out anymore.. or go up to skinny women... maybe they to shy to give you "The look" Ok so maybe they are waiting for you to approach them i know if i were you i would of went and got to know one of the bigger women, because i wouldnt want to be a jerk

[Russ T Bitz]

OK then well how about you go back up and actually read what it is I've said...

[Sammy13]

i did but i just think no matter what its wrong to judge a person like that if you dont know them it just shows your basically a jerk

[Russ T Bitz]

Ok then, as you're going to judge me without knowing me, I'm going to do the very same right back.

You're obviously a very innocent young woman who has no real understanding of how men truly work. For a relationship to work, I need to be physically and sexually attracted to a person. I make no apologies for that because

I have no control over what I need in a relationship

Men are attracted to what they see, unlike women who tend to be attracted to what they feel.

I simply am not attracted to large women. They may be pretty but a large women simply does not turn me on. It does not make them a bad person but neither does it make me one either. I am simply following what nature intended for me.

Perhaps you yourself are a large woman who has been frustrated in the past by a man who did not want you because of your size and you feel the need to take it out on me, I don't know. But what I DO know is what he look for in a woman and need to make a relationship work is not something we ever should apologise for or feel guilty about.

Apologies to all for the rant but it's almost 1 in the morning, I'm really tired and the last thing I want is to be challenged by someone _!

[Sammy13]

ok well i will be sure to tell you this first i only weigh 88lbs ok so no i am def. not a big person and second of all i am glad i found a man that dont judge people by the way they look and act and sh!t like that unlike an a**hole like you ok

[Russ T Bitz]

OK seeing as you have ignored all the points I raised, I'll assume you want nothing more than just a slanging match, I'm actually 30 years old and outgrew that sort of thing in junior school, so I'll leave you to continue your one-person tirade against these nasty men who seem to say nasty things about large women, and the rest of us will carry on with more grown-up matters.

[Sammy13]

i can read jackass and umm if your 30 then you should actually be acting more grown up then judging a women cause she is fat or soemthing

[wehstheatrebabe]

Russ T Bitz : Ignore that Sammy person. She's apparently very young, or it seems that way by the way she is talking. I understand entirely. I'm a female and unlike some women, I will admit that I judge on looks. I'm not saying its necessarily correct, or polite, but there's nothing you can do about who and who you are not attracted to. Apparently, this sammy person does not understand about the anatomy of the male body. You can't just be with someone that doesn't excite you. I'm sure that smaller women look at you, you just don't realize it. Try to look outside your self, find someone you are attracted to, and go for it. Most women really like a very foreward man. I wish you the best of luck in your future venues.
Crystal

[Sammy13]

No I sometimes judge on appearance and get to know them but the way he was just saying things was rather rude... oh well good luck and just approach the women your attracted to.. and hope for the best.. good luck