Child Access - A Fair Balance

A Man · Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 12:13 pm Post subject: Child Access - A Fair Balance

I recently split with my partner when I found out she was seeing somebody else. We have a three-year old daughter.
The current set-up is this: I have our daughter all weekend, every weekend. As much as I love my daughter and love seeing her, I would also like to have some time to rebuild my life as a single person (after all, she is in a relationship and I'm supposed to be single.)
My ex says that it is my responsibilty to look after our child all weekend every weekend because 'she's had her all week' (My ex works 9-5 and her parents look after our daughter while she is in work).
My ex basically throws our daughter at me every Friday so that she can go out gallivanting with her boyfriend all weekend, every weekend. She even changed her working hours on a Friday from 9-5 to 12-8 to match her boyfriend's hours so that they could go out drinking together straight from work behind my back. She's even used the 'I need this month's maintenace NOW' line when I've been paid the weekend before her, and then used the money to go out with her fella.
I am considering taking legal steps to see about making sure that our daughter can spend time with BOTH parents at some point outside of work hours. My ex is using all kinds of emotional blackmail to make sure that her social diary doesn't have to be cancelled. My ex doesn't see me as my child's father, just a glorified babysitter, and the fact that I am our child's father is a convenient excuse for her.

What do I do? I want to see my child as much as I can, but what if I meet someone in the future? Do I tell them that I'm not allowed to see them at weekends?

My daughter spends all weekend asking for her mum, and whether she'll get 'hugs when mummy comes home'. She follows me everywhere because she feels terrified about feeling left alone if I leave the room to make her dinner etc. This is not right.

Guest · Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 2:36 pm Post subject:

HI i can completly understand with u, im 19 and i was the child in that situation, and u need to make sure ur daughter doesnt pick up on all the tension because it will affect othrwise, my brother is 8 and my mum and his dad arnt together now (we dont share the same dad) and my mum works nights so my brothers dad has him when shes working, but she will regualy tell him shes working when she isnt so she can go out to fancy dinners and weekends away with her new fella, and my brother is pushed backwards and 4wards most of the time and doesnt know where he is anymore. I think you have the right to have a life as well, if communication isnt very good between the 2 of u maybe have some1 there as a go between, and make sure ur daughter doesnt hear any arguying, she love the both of u and is very young, good luck to you, and maybe speak to some1 about legal action 2, you have a right to speak up. take care hope i helped in some way x

Guest · Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 11:59 pm Post subject:

There is no fair balance if you are a man. Whatever contact you have now, try to get the best from it. It will be whittled away by the woman in virtually any case. She can get away with any lie she tells because the courts discriminate against men all the time. Eventually you will lose contact with your children and she will tell them that you did not care enough - to cheat and lie. You will get all the blame under our no-fault (for mums) system.

KelB · Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 2:52 pm Post subject:

It's hard for anyone else to comment on exactly what is best for your child seeing as no one else knows thw whole story or see's the child,but I work with children and the most important thing is a routine with children. They need to know they will contiune to have a 'normal' life and see both mummy and daddy....I don't think that this means you having your child every weekend,maybe every other weekend and also a couple of days in the week would work out better...that way you both have your own time and you both get to spend quality time with your child?

Guest · Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 1:40 am Post subject:

The view that 'what is best for the child' is a 'code' and determined by the woman, supported by the courts, and means 'what she says is best'. That means dad gets no say in the matter. He has to accept what ever small 'priviledges' she decides to give him. He has no 'right's in the matter. And he has to earn those priveledges by paying her a 'wage' for having rejected him in the first place and to make up for all the 'pain' she suffered having to live with him. Child support payment go to her, not the children.

Our country has decended into mendacity where the women hide behind children and men are pariahs. The whole marriage system and child raising system has collapsed. Why a man would want to have children today is a mystery. He can only have his heart broken and live in penury supporting a parasite woman who has rejected him for his wallet and stolen his liitle ones.

Guest · Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2005 4:32 am Post subject:

Destroy the family, and you destroy society to make the State supreme. Marx.

Obvious · Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2005 4:44 pm Post subject:

Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm so bloody glad I don't have kids.

Guest · Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 2:49 pm Post subject:

It can be a horror show Obvious.

You're not a babysitter and you can get the court to change the schedule. It doesn't hurt to ask anyway. In even the most backward court systems, asking for some time for yourself isn't the same as abandoning the child. If possible see if you can get a day during the week with your child. That way you can share afterschool time as well as a weekend with her. I think that is a good idea, for your daughter.

I know it's exhausting dealing with everything (oh I know...), but your solicitor isn't going to suggest a schedule to you. You're going to have to ask for yourself based on your needs.