by MarriedMom on Sat Feb 05, 2005 3:36 pm
Hi LunaTick,
I'm just going to tell you what I know from my own personal experience, and it may not apply to him at all, but it's a possibility.
Many people, when they are involved in a relationship that they aren't quite sure where it is going, are reluctant to introduce their significant other to their family: especially when it comes to their children. Maybe your bf doesn't quite feel secure enough to let you see the "low down and dirty" involving his friends and family. There are lots of people that aren't exactly proud of their families, or friends for that matter. In all honesty, he may not see the significance in this as opposed to you, because, well, he's got a male mentality. He's just looking at it from a practical side, and maybe he isn't seeing how important it is to you to know his family and friends. You just need to tell him how important it is to you to get to know his family.
A lot of women are smitten about meeting their beau's family, because not only is it a sign to us that the relationship is more solid, but also it gives us a deeper look at "who" our bf's are, and what they are about.
As far as you not ever meeting his daughter, I think there may be a level of fear on two levels here. Number one, he doesn't want to introduce you to his daughter because he might be afraid it would confuse her. Many single parents are scared of bringing in a new gf/bf in to meet their children, because the children can't comprehend exactly what is going on. It's really hard to explain to your children who this new person is in your life (as you well know) and instead of confronting the issue, it sounds like he is dodging it until it feels safe, or right, for him. Number two, maybe he is afraid of what the "ex" would think, and he is dodging the situation to save himself some grief with her. Did their relationship end on good or bad terms? Is she an understanding person, good hearted? Or do you not know ANYTHING about her? More than likely, if you haven't heard much about her, then she's probably not that good of a person, and there is your answer. He's scared of any conflict that might arise with her concerning his new relationship, and he's steering clear of confrontation. She might be the type that would use his daughter against him if she gets pissed off. I know my ex did that with me when I first started dating my new husband.
10 months does seem like a long time to be together to have not met his family more than you have, though. Have you two ever discussed where your relationship is? Do you know how serious he is about the relationship? He may not see it as being as serious as you do, and that could be another reason why he hasn't felt the need to bring you into the picture more just yet.
I'm just stabbing at possibilities here. A little more background information on how you two are in your relationship at this point would be more helpful in grasping a possible answer to your dilemma.
Good luck and take care.
MM
"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times." - Rita Rudner
"A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water." - Eleanor Roosevelt
) and just be patient. Even though it has been 10 months, that still might not be quite enough time for him to be fully acclimated to the idea of jumping into the deep end of a relationship again. The best thing you can do is be understanding and let him know you are there for him no matter what.