My fella can't cum without helping himself along.

[pixie88]

My boyfriend and I have been together a couple of months and we've had sex quite a bit... but... he can't cum from just sex... he HAS to masturbate

[ambrosia]

I've been there sweetie and I was also at a loss on what to do. I know I'm damn good at oral, and in the beginning got him to come this way a few times, as well as from behind, usually when he wasn't wearing a condom. I think it may have been because he was single for so long, and relied on himself for so long that it was the easiest way for him to come. It's what he knows and what he felt comfortable with. He turned it into an art that no one else can possibly be as good at. But you have to wonder, doesn't it usually feel better when someone else does it, especially with their mouth?

Come on men out there! What do you have to say about this? What the hell is going on?

[cosmicB]

It's not you princess... It's him, 100%... He's hooked on his hand...
He fell in love with what his hand does for him... Sounds weird but it's true...

Have you ever heard the term "Go through the Fire"...?
DAM! this gets Complicated from here... You need to break that "veil" he's installed in his mind, in his creative center, in his top left brain hemi, and in his sexual center top center right hemi ... Boy! has he ever done a lot of damage to himself, but not serious, and not permanent... Together you can fix it... It's as if he meticulously built himself into a corner... and it has to be dismantled in reverse of how he built it...

If you can handle extreme weird mind techniques and serious blasphemy, you might checkout my terrible crudely written experimental "deconditoning" posts in "occult forum" as "cosmicbrat"... and try to ignore all the flack and battles I got into with the hateful little boys in that forum...

He needs to be weined from his hand... That means he must stop playin' with it... You need to get him off with your hand, maybe while he's blindfolded... then gradually switch him back to pussy...
Any questions, PM me... I'd be honored to work with you in solving this problem for you little sister... Maybe I already have...

[lil*minx]

I agree with Cosmic.

My exbf is the same way...so used to his hand and porn that he can't cum with a bj or even in certain positions. It is very frustrating but don't take it personal unless he isn't willing to work on it.

[ambrosia]

I also agree with CosmicBrat. I think it is all in his noggin. Although I'm still a bit confused about the 'blasphemy' piece. I may have to PM you CB.

[ancient9]

Hey girls, I'm a guy and I'm worried about this as well. I'm 20 and I recently started having sex (yes, I'm a late bloomer) and I decided to start having sex with this girl and she's more experienced and I'm just starting out. I've been so used to my own imagination (sex stories) and porn to get off and cum. Getting hard isnt usually a problem with me as long as I'm not wearing a condom and I get teased before sex...

Now as for the problem I feel like shes gonna feel like shes doing something wrong... Should I tell her about me not being able to cum during sex? What can she do to help me? She's going to eventually start seeing something wrong when I go 2-3 hours of sex and I'm not flacid or even tired... so I'm clueless on what to do.

On another note... if I can tire her out and shes more experienced than I am is that a bad thing or a good thing? Remember I'm new to sex and this board so help me out as much as possible please!

thanks girls and guys to decide to help in advance

[lil*minx]

I've been so used to my own imagination (sex stories) and porn to get off and cum. Getting hard isnt usually a problem with me as long as I'm not wearing a condom and I get teased before sex...

Now as for the problem I feel like shes gonna feel like shes doing something wrong...

That was the biggest thing and the frustrating thing for me...I felt like I was the one that wasn't turning him on enough. Like I didn't get him going enough to cum.

[revlarsyn]

Hello, I'm male 45yrs and can identify with this issue.

During periods (weeks, sometimes months) of stress I found I struggled to cum without using my hand.
Certainly I would agree that it's a case of reverting to a familiar way of getting off, but not because I was too attached to my hand. I had been married for over 18yrs and we were very active sexually.

For me the fact that my wife expressed concern at this odd turn of events simply added to my stress. I knew she didn't intend to, but that was the effect.


When we talked about it and I explained about the causes of my stress, usually work, and that she was in no way to blame (no one was to blame), then things became easier for both of us.

We still had sex of course, but it was understood that until I'd resolved my work issues I would have to finish myself, which I did after a short time.

In a sense I was lucky because I'd been in such a long and trusting relationship, if I had known her only 2 or 3 months it may have been different.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the problem is an external thing to your relationship so certainly don't blame yourself (or him), just reassurance and patience all round will do the trick.

This is obviously from my personal experience, but I don't think I'm unique

[ambrosia]

Great post revlarsyn. Thanks for sharing. I also think stress plays a huge role in this situation. And that patience and acceptance from the other partner is key to getting past it. If it's made into a big deal, it will cause stress to the situation, especially if stress is the culprit in the first place. I'm glad to know that you got over it and that it's sort of an episodic issue in many cases. So again, great post. Thank you!

[queenofjupiter]

Hi Everyone,

I am new to this site, came on here hoping to chat and to get some advice.

I have just started seeing this guy, we have had sex only twice, the first time unfortuatly i dont remember cos i was so unbelievably drunk but anyway, the second time was awful. I dont mean to sound rude but it was. I felt so crap.

He basically lost it after like a minuet, he said it was because i asked him to wear a condom - apparently hes never used one before cos they are horrid and apparently we didnt use one the first time. I dont understand why he lost it so soon though, i feel as though i am no good. He also tells me that he finds it hard to cum. We had a huge discussion about it, as he lies to me sometiems about hings, maybe he is embarrassed or some thing i dont know but at first he said he finds it hard to cum, and he always has done, then last night he says he does cum he just doesnt orgasm.

but he didnt cum last night, obviously cos he lost it, i dnt understand whats wrong and why he keeps changing his story. i dont know what to believe, everytime i try to talka bout it he changes his story around and now im so confused, i have told him this but he jst changes his story again.

i really do not know what to think, is it all cos of me ???? am i that bad??

please help me, i dont know what to think! what can i do to make it better??